Missing Home

Today I'm missing home a bit and remembered I still have beach pictures to post. Things are still progressing with Will as he continues to show attachment. The sun is out today so this morning we went for a walk to Aeon (Walmart-ish) to buy Cheerios, diapers and wipes. Yay for Cheerios! Then we went swimming at the hotel pool. Will was brave about that, and we played in the kiddie pool until he showed signs that he was done. He loved the swim games we played with him, and when Brandon submerged his head under water and came back up, Will watched, then immediately tried the same thing. Oops. I was holding him so I just lifted him up and he gasped and made fish faces, but he didn't cry. And he didn't try to put his face in the water again. :) Since Will slept late this morning after a long night, and I was exhausted from yesterday's trip to Shamian Island, I decided to stay in the room while Will took a nap, and Brandon went ahead and went on the planned outing with the McGee's and our guide. And I've been missing home as I watch a Chinese kids show I can't understand and is a cross between Rainbow Brite, Sailor Moon, Saved by the Bell, and H R Puffnstuff. I'm kind of addicted. So here are some beach pictures...

WARNING: The following are a set of family mid-air portraits so stunning you will never want to attempt it out of sheer intimidation.

And with that, I will leave you until the internet gives me bars again. Home in 6 days.

Our Little Man

Here is part of an email update I sent my family last night:

"I'm exhausted and so my body's been choosing sleep over posting any updates, and internet is bad whenever I try lately, but I wanted to let you know how we're doing before I drift off to sleep. 
Today was a good day, considering Will had his med exams and TB blood draw. They poked him 3 different places in both arms! Poor little guy. But we are starting to be able to read him better and head off some triggers before they set off his meltdowns. Sometimes. :) He makes us want to keep getting better at that. 
He loves to play and we see it in his expression as he discovers the joy of playing WITH somebody. He's been rejecting Brandon lately but today he did much better. And he's asleep before 1am so WIN. It's 10pm btw. 
I taught him great grandma A's horsey ride game yesterday and he did it a few times and thought it was great, then toddled off to do something else. But this afternoon with out any warning he walked over, tried to climb on my leg and grabbed both my hands saying "Doo dee dee dee." So he got as much of that as he wanted. I was reading him one of the little books we brought and showed him "baby" on the baby page. I said it a few times. A few minutes later he's walking around with the book open, saying "beebee beebee beebee." He's been refusing milk. The nannies told us he drinks a bottle of milk at night, cold. He hasn't taken it since we got him. I brought pedialyte packets so he's been drinking that (1/2 packet/bottle of water) but we're almost out. But tonight I remembered I packed a small can of sensitive formula, just in case he still took formula. I tried a warm bottle of it and he gulped it down. He couldn't get it fast enough. I'm not sure the nannies know what they're talking about, but maybe he'll sleep better now. 
After Will fell asleep tonight, Brandon gave him, then me, a blessing. Will for overcoming his institutional behaviors, and me for my back. That was good. I haven't really seen much of Guangzhou except from the car. It's monsoon season and it's cloudy or rainy all the time so we stay in lots. Brandon ventures out much more since he needs to eat and I haven't been able to (I got a stomach thing on our first day here YAY). We were going to go out to a cool island this afternoon but it was cancelled due to the heavens dumping the contents of their swimming pool on Guangzhou. We'll try again tomorrow, as it is supposed to be nicer. We'll still pack umbrellas. Also, it's about 90* all the time. 
I'm drifting asleep. So ready to be home. But still, it's WAAAAAYYYYY better than last time we were here.

Will has a great giggle."

I wanted to add, for the sake of education, that trauma-babies' institutionalized behaviors--these "meltdowns"-- are different from the usual healthy toddler tantrum. They are a different beast entirely and need to be handled differently. Brandon and I watch, anticipate, and try to prevent any triggers and then try to soften, comfort and ease any potential PTSD reaction that comes. To protect Will, I won't describe what he goes through, but this is why, when we get home, we will be cocooning (basically being very anti-social) as we ease Will into his new safe environment and build up his trust in his surroundings. I also want to add that I'm very hopeful that his meltdown reactions will fade. He wants to trust. He wants to cling to this new life. He is a fighter and I'm so proud of his courage. He is smart and learns what will make him happy very quickly. Sometimes he is like a 12-month-old (like when he eats or walks), but more often he seems much older...there is depth in his eyes and his choices. This is common in institutionalized children, because they've had to learn to parent themselves, but I'd only read about it. Seeing it is amazing. And sad. I recently wrote that there is a difference between "caring for" a child and "nurturing" a child. A child who is "cared for" can still be neglected. A child who is "cared for" can still be abused. An infant is programmed to receive love, facial mirroring, touch, warmth, smell, all those sensory experiences that affect healthy development. In an institution, when they are left alone to "cry it out," day after day after day, their infant minds attempt to fill in the gaps made by neglect. Because they want to survive. Hopefully. And then these PTSD-type behaviors are born. Will was abandoned at 5 day old, as a preemie. And he's a fighter. Strong Will. 
It's his turn to be nurtured.

First pizza. He LOVED it. Also, China Pizza Hut is a lot better than US Pizza Hut. 

Crashed.

He was determined to eat with that toddler knife. He was not successful.

Our room is tiny. He pushed this stroller from the door to the window for about half an hour.

Sharing dried blueberries. He would feed me and I'd feed him. And then every once in a while he'd go to feed me, and then quickly pop it in his mouth and we would laugh and laugh.

Brandon blew bubbles during Will's bath and since his skin was wet, the bubbles stuck all over, including his hair.

During the rain dump we were directed to a little playroom in the hotel. Of course, he found the cars.

We have some fun videos but they won't load here. I'll keep trying. 

This is hard. But it's one of those hard things that you dig in and hold on with both hands because the highs totally outweigh the lows, and it all means something.

Getting to Know Each Other: Day One

He loves to dance. He's got moves.

Cars are his favorite. "Coo coo."

He absolutely loved his bath. Kick kick kick splash.

Will is very playful and expressive. He communicates with us really well. It's not all smooth, but he is reaching for us and coming to us with his needs and that's huge. This last photo above is just before a really hard, really long end-of-day meltdown, but we just did our best to comfort him and reassure him. It had been an exhausting day and when he finally gave up the fight, he slept all night until 8:20 am. We all needed that. When he woke up this morning he was happy to see us and reached for us. I really needed that. We've been back to the office today and signed papers making him ours. It felt really really good. I'm sure the meltdowns will happen again, but we'll work through it. His world has just been turned upside-down. We love him. We just do.

China: Getting Here and Gotcha Day

We've been struggling to get wifi and access to blocked sites (including this one) but I got through (for now) so I'll hurry and post pics. We are here in China and we have Will! He is ours!
Okay so pics aren't loading. I'll have to try again later.
We are in Guangzhou after a 20 hour flight (including a 2 hour layover in Shanghai that turned into a 4 hour delay, 3 of those hours sitting in the plane at 1am). We arrived at The Garden hotel in Guangzhou at about 4am and our room is comfortable and nice. We were able to sleep a few hours before meeting our guide and the other GWCA family the next morning. We were able to connect with the McGee family from Alabama on Facebook just before our trip. They're also an older couple with older bio kids and this is their second trip to Guangzhou to adopt in a year so it's been great having them along with us. We have pictures and video and I see that I now have three bars so I'll try the pics...

Home sweet home.

Lobby.

We peeked through the curtain before they brought him out.

This is one of his nannies. She was very proud of him, I could tell. He did so well. My heart was pounding and he cried when the nanny left, but he did so well.

After the nanny left he reached for Brandon, and cried for a bit. This moment was so sweet.

Things improved a lot after all the nannies left and he could focus on us.

He loves cars. He loves cars. "Coo coo, ooOOOOoooo!" Off we go to the hotel to get to know each other. Whew!

Days One, Two, and Three at the Beach

We did it! We squeezed in the beach trip we planned with my sister way back before we knew we were going back to China, and definitely before we knew WHEN we were going back to China. And it was good. It was good to not be making lists and checking lists and stressing about lists. We prepped for both trips before we left for Pacific City, so we came home to a clean house, a freezer full of meals, and 1/3 of the luggage packed. China, here we come! I'll just leave a few pictures of beachy-ness here for your perusal. These are the first three days. I'll do the rest tomorrow because it's late. And yes, this Oregon beach town is the setting for "Of Grace and Chocolate," my first published novel. It's pretty special to me. This family is pretty special to me.

Good night, little beach town.