tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-293054432024-03-14T02:19:43.062-06:00Kickyloo&Co.Creativity. Family. Adoption.Kristahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734014895825429358noreply@blogger.comBlogger276125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29305443.post-86728323739661665952017-04-16T23:16:00.000-06:002017-04-16T23:16:31.853-06:00Easter 2017<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
This phase of life is so crazy. Last year we had both boys (Braeden and Jacob) home with us, Maren, and it was Will's first Easter. This year Jacob is in Spain on his mission (I really need to update this family blog) and Braeden is at BYU, and we wondered if Maren and Will would be on their own this year. But then on the phone, Carly told me she was coming to Gramma K's house for Easter, and just like that, full house again! I'm so thankful Chelsea and Matt brought their family to our home to celebrate Easter, and that it's easier to do now that they're in Portland, Oregon. There is always work when family comes, but Chelsea brought half of the feast and two adorable grandbabies, and I made a special effort to feel the Spirit and ponder what the Atonement has meant to me, even as I pushed my body too hard for my family. I made a special effort to consider how I can improve, and to be mindful of how my actions and words affect my loved ones, and also how to take better care of me. I am still learning to be a better daughter, a better wife, and a better mom. I'm thankful for the example Jesus Christ has set for me, that he is my light in the darkness, and I'm thankful for those miraculous words, "He is risen!"</div>
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Coloring the Easter eggs. </div>
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Grabbing a few pictures before church. Kids were nice and wiggly for us.</div>
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The Egg Hunt</div>
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Happy Easter!</div>
Kristahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734014895825429358noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29305443.post-86053420269101207712016-07-28T00:31:00.000-06:002016-07-28T00:55:17.787-06:00Halfway to Ninety-Two. Feels Closer than That.Today is my birthday. I slept in, talked to my son in Wyoming and my Mom on the phone, enjoyed a deluxe pedicure (hot-rock leg massage), laid in the sun, swam in a pool, played with my husband and kids, endured a sudden and vicious foot cramp (at least it wasn't in the middle of Costco this time), laid in the sun recovering, floated like a jellyfish, ate a perfectly grilled hot dog, Skyped with my beautiful daughter, son, and grandchildren, broke down in tears after they said goodbye because Carly was crying too and I miss them so much, cheered myself up by eating a perfectly constructed banana split, then put a perfectly tired little boy to sleep. THEN I opened some thoughtful, perfect gifts. What a full day. Thank you, Mary, for letting us use your pool. Thank you, Laura and Sara for the pedicure. Thank you Brandon for the yummy dinner and new toys. Thank you, kids, for all the smiles. Thank you, friends, for all of your Birthday wishes. Thank you, Heavenly Father, for giving me such a contented heart on this day.<br />
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I hinted for these. I've actually read the first one--on my phone. </div>
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I wanted the heft of the paperbacks.</div>
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He also got me the companion novella, </div>
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A Slow Regard of Silent Things. Can't wait.</div>
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And then . . .</div>
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Yes! A new laptop!!! It's so shiny and speedy and not dying a rapid death!</div>
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So much motivation to finish my next book.</div>
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Thanks, B. You did so very good.</div>
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Turning 46, at least for today, was pretty great.</div>
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Kristahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734014895825429358noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29305443.post-49852289270366576322016-06-10T13:39:00.000-06:002016-06-11T10:30:27.571-06:00Climbing<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-SABwYarbVIE/V1sWZAzM-PI/AAAAAAAAGuw/SunJHxYTytEt2nGL07K6cAQ2KaJGrU6UwCLcB/s1600/mountains-903497_960_720.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-SABwYarbVIE/V1sWZAzM-PI/AAAAAAAAGuw/SunJHxYTytEt2nGL07K6cAQ2KaJGrU6UwCLcB/s640/mountains-903497_960_720.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">photo by skeez. public domain.</td></tr>
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Hey, Hi. It's occurred to me that I haven't posted since September. I was shocked to see that. Not because I'm so punctual when it comes to this blog, but because it seems like only a couple of months ago that I was posting about Jacob's football season. So much has happened--things kind of derailed at the end of football season, so I thought instead of a long, drawn-out explanation of things, I'd just make a bullet list and try not to meander...as I tend to do.<br />
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<li>My back took a turn for the worse. Probably because of all the extra work of a toddler. My injured back was injured more and nose-dived around Halloween. I didn't get to take Will trick-or-treating. He was a little dragon. My costume was "writer with a back injury." Brandon stepped up (a sign of things to come) and took Will around the cul-de-sac. They both loved it. Will was astonished by candy bars.</li>
<li>After an MRI it was determined that I (finally) needed surgery to repair a collapsed disc. The image was scary. I was very eager to have it fixed. Surgery was scheduled for January 12, 2016.</li>
<li>My sister hosted Thanksgiving. It was the first time I didn't bring pie. Or maybe I did. I don't remember. I was on heavy painkillers. I do know I brought one of the turkeys. It was beautiful and the whole dinner was delicious. I remember Will hated his port-a-crib and I got two hours of sleep between 6-8 am, when Brandon finally took him out of the room. It was his first time staying somewhere else since we brought him home. I don't remember much else.</li>
<li>Will's first Christmas was so fun. I'll do a separate blog post for that. It was wonderful to have a little one seeing his first Christmas. The older kids were awesome. We got to Skype with Braeden from Riga, Latvia. Lots of laughter and gratitude. I made our traditional chiles rellenos dinner, but this time I had lots of help.</li>
<li>Chelsea, Matt, and Carly came for the week of New Years. They got to meet Will for the first time! Carly and Will were shy at first, but they recognized each other from our Skype sessions. Then they were pretty inseparable/adorable. We got lots of snow! The kids had lots of snow play in the yard. Will loves snow. It was sad to say good bye.</li>
<li>My surgery (my first ever) went well. So weird to be awake and blinking one minute and then waking up to a new world--a world of agonizing fire the size of a basketball in your back. They hurried and got the pain meds in me. Gah. I went home an hour post-surgery. I had my phone alarms set for meds. Brandon took really good care of me that first week. I don't really remember it. My surgery was on Tuesday. The next morning I said, "It's Wednesday, right?" He said, "It's Friday." He must have taken really good care of me.</li>
<li>A week after my surgery, Braeden returned home from his 2-year mission in the Baltics. I didn't get to go to the airport, so I waited at home. I was using a walker at this point but couldn't get in a car. My friends Sara and Laura went and took lots of pictures and video. Yay for friends! When Braeden came to the door, and I was able to hold him, it felt like a piece of my heart was in its place again. He stayed by my side and talked to me a lot while I rested.</li>
<li>The following week, Brandon had to return to work and Braeden was job hunting, so Will and I went to my mom and dad's house. That was a dream. They both took such excellent care of me and Will. The craziest thing was when they set up our (me and my sibling's) old crib for Will! They still had it! They helped me through tears, we laughed, they made sure I rested and exercised, and fed me a lot of really good food. Will absolutely loved it there. I stayed for two weeks. I did a lot of healing, inside and out.</li>
<li>My second grandchild, Brady Robert Bare, was born on February 10. He's adorable and has the biggest blue eyes I've ever seen. It broke my heart not to be there, but Matt's mom, Gigi, was able to be there and help Chelsea afterward. I'm so grateful for good, helping mothers.</li>
<li>Back home, Braeden had found an afternoon-to-late-hours job, so he was able to take care of Will (and finally get to know his new brother) and me until Will's naptime. Maren would come home from school after that. Braeden went from never having changed a diaper to being Mr. Mom. It was great. I was up to walking 0.9 miles in 40 minutes. That's the lowest speed on the treadmill, but the fact that I could be upright and walking for 40 minutes was awesome. I was starting gentle yoga. My back pain had gone from a burning sack of lava to two small jagged rocks pressing against each other. I was pleased with that.</li>
<li>Most of my family and some of Brandon's family were able to come for Will's baby blessing. I was worried about Will having a meltdown during the blessing, I prayed about it. My answer came simply: Have Will shake hands and say the name of all the men taking part in the blessing, and then give him a cookie while he sits on Grampa Anglesey's (my dad's) lap. Maren made cookies that morning. It worked beautifully. Brandon gave him a blessing while Will happily munched on a big homemade cookie on Grampa's lap, surrounded by all these friends he'd just greeted. And know what? The cookie was made by Gramma A, Because they'd had the same idea. Will ate Maren's cookie afterward. :)</li>
<li>That same Sunday, Braeden gave his mission homecoming talk. It was a memorable day, and the first day I'd been to church since December. The family came over for food after. I loved that. I love my house full of people.</li>
<li>Late February something went really wrong. I had a sore throat and slight fever, no biggie. Then one night my legs started burning, like they were on fire. By morning the fire had spread through my whole body and by the next morning every joint--from my toes, ankles, knees to every joint and knuckle in my hands were frozen hot. On top of this, it felt like every nerve in my body was plugged into an electric generator. I couldn't move. My muscles were slack and I was terrified. I called the doctor and he could see me in two days. I would spend an hour working out the stiffness in my joints enough so someone could help me out of bed to use the bathroom. I walked like a drunk robot, having to really focus on my muscles for them to move. I couldn't raise my arms to eat. I had no appetite. I lost 6 lbs in a week. One night my breathing was very soft and shallow. I felt like a burning husk. My eyes teared constantly. I was scared. I took stock of my life and thought I'd done okay. Dramatic, I know, but that's what I did.</li>
<li>The doctor referred me back to my surgeon as soon as possible. In the meantime, he prescribed me Neurontin. It helped dial back the burning and I no longer woke up with frozen joints. It smoothed out my movement. It helped me sleep. I love Neurontin. I still felt a continual buzz coursing through my nerves, and the whole inside of my mouth and my tongue tingled like pop rocks.</li>
<li>The next week my surgeon referred me to a neurologist. The appointment was at the end of May, two months out. He guessed that a virus was attacking my nervous system. So I had two months to dwell on that. I had a brain MRI and blood work. Both came back normal.</li>
<li>Physically, I had to start back at the beginning, walking 10 minutes, completely exhausted after. I'm so grateful Braeden was home for a while before going to BYU for spring semester. And Brandon totally stepped up to take care of anything else on top of his own demanding responsibilities. He became Super Brandon. He did things I didn't know he could do. He's been holding out. ;) I love Super Brandon.</li>
<li>I couldn't write anything during all of this time. The pain would just overpower any focus. I could barely read. The medicines made me tired. The idea of writing romance was as far away from me as was running a marathon. My publisher, Covenant, was so patient with me, moving my deadline dates further and further ahead, and encouraging me to put myself and my family first. Thank you, Covenant.</li>
<li>Separate from the nerve issue, my back was getting lots of rest, and gratefully, continued to strengthen. So much so that as long as I was careful and didn't lose my balance or get jostled, the back pain became secondary to everything else. That was helpful, and as the pain subsided, I was able to focus and start writing again. As long as I could stay awake. I started back up on the novel I'd had to abandon, and the words came.</li>
<li>Braeden left for college. Brandon took him to Provo and that weekend they were able to attend Brady's baby blessing. I missed them both. I missed them all.</li>
<li>Jacob gashed his shin open on a hurdle. For the first time ever, I took Jacob to the hospital. For the first time ever, I saw my kid's bone. Kinda cool. I'll spare you the pics. We were there for 4.5 hours and I didn't bring my pain meds. He sang songs to me while we waited. My favorite was Pat Benatar's "We Belong." We were both hobbling back to the car when all was done. But we were rock stars.</li>
<li>Maren's knee caps had been randomly popping out over the past year. Very painful. She'd shove them back in and cry and we'd get her on ice and ibuprofen. It was becoming more frequent. The doctor took xrays and found both of her patellas are an inch too high. She'll need surgery on both knees. We're enjoying trips to the PT as they strengthen her up in preparation for that. Hooray. O_O</li>
<li>Will has been a champ with all of this transition. When I was down, he'd bring me books to read and pretend meals from his kitchen. He'd say, "Mommy back hurt." Or "Cheek?" and I'd lean as best as I could while he reached up and rub my cheek softly, saying, "It's okay. It's okay." Melt. My. Heart.</li>
<li>I worked hard to keep walking and tone up my muscles the best I could. Brandon and I decided that I would fly to Provo the first week of May and attend a day of my favorite writers conference and see my friends, and then spend a few days with Chelsea and her family, Braeden, and finally hold my grandson. Physically, the trip wore me out. Emotionally, it was very healing. I loved it. My friend Sarah Eden loaned me her cane, and I'm so glad she did. By the end of my conference day I could hardly walk, but without the cane I would have been done a lot sooner. Hooray for the cane brigade!</li>
<li>I'm skipping to the end, because really I've just been resting and exercising and waiting for my neurologist appointment without trying to self-diagnose with unnerving online information.</li>
<li>NEUROLOGIST APPOINTMENT: The neurologist suspected either a lesion on my spinal cord (formed as I healed from surgery), or a virus attacking my myelin sheath (the protective covering of the nerves themselves). I had another MRI of my back to look for signs of lesions. We looked over all my other images, too. That was trippy, seeing side and top cross-sections of my head. Hello, eyeballs. You are HUGE. Anyway, it all looked clean. My back is healing well, nice spaces there. No signs of lesions anywhere. Which is GREAT, but he had to go back to my symptoms and test results.</li>
<li>Diagnosis: <a href="http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/transverse-myelitis/basics/symptoms/con-20028884" target="_blank">Transverse Myelitis</a>. Which means a virus (or trauma of some kind) compromised the myelin sheath. It will take a long time (months to years) to heal. But the odds are very good that I will heal. Here's how I explained it to my family: </li>
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The neurologist compared it to hitting your funny bone (on a much larger scale). Something hit my nervous system and the onset was big and painful and rendered me pretty useless for a time. Then that twangy pain spread out to the rest of my body and is lingering. I thought that was a pretty fair comparison. Another description of how it affects my nervous system is that the connection between my brain and nerves is interfered with like static on a phone line.</div>
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<span style="line-height: 19.32px;">SO. There's no cure. I just keep working at getting stronger. Exercise. Be careful. Vitamins. I'll probably add oils, too. It may take months-years, and the tingling sensation might never go away. But I should regain my strength and coordination as my myelin sheath heals. And that's good.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">And that's where we are now. It's been two days since the diagnosis and a few things have been running through my mind. 1) I'm grateful to have a "something" to work toward instead of a blank. 2) I'm so grateful to those who've stepped up to help me and my family. 3) It's incredible how the absolutely important things rise to the top and the rest fades away simply because you are rendered incapable. It's a paradox, how freeing and how caging it feels. 4) You. My friends and family, and all of those who've prayed on my behalf, who are still praying, and who are wondering how I'm doing and hoping I'm okay. That's why I wrote this post. Because I know you're wondering. I'm overwhelmed by the number of you who care. But knowing that has buoyed me and helped me work harder.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">So I'll keep working. And counting blessings. And doing what I always do. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Climb.</span></div>
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Kristahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734014895825429358noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29305443.post-88132533297585095862015-09-29T16:01:00.000-06:002015-09-29T16:50:00.761-06:00Jacob and Highland Football<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
Jacob was interviewed by the Yakima Herald for his role in helping bring back football to Highland High School, and frankly, I'm so impressed with his spirit. His seminary teacher said that when she saw this picture of Jacob, she thought, "That is not my Jacob!" But when I saw this picture, I thought with a smile, "There is my Jacob." Klamath Falls peeps will back me up. They knew Jacob from the age of 2-7 years old, what I call the "Destructo-Boy Years." From the time he could scoot across the floor, Jacob has been pushing mightily through life with a determination and passion--and a grin--that made me second guess my parenting skills and had me drawing the conclusion that Jacob's soul must be HUGE and crammed into that tiny little body, so he's just busting to make a place in this world and see what he can do. He's not so tiny anymore and he doesn't break all my stuff anymore, and I don't have to grip his hand so he doesn't run headlong into the heavy traffic of life, but he's still pushing mightily, and his grin is still as big as it was when he was three. I have loved watching this kid tackle what has come at him with grace and ingenuity, determination, humor, and his feet pushing him forward. Often leaving the ground to slam into the ball-carrier.</div>
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<b>Read the article here:</b><br />
<a href="http://www.yakimaherald.com/sports/prep_sports/kickoff_2015/the-comeback-trail-highland-scotties/article_107ef654-51bb-11e5-bc1c-cfc5330ca34b.html">http://www.yakimaherald.com/sports/prep_sports/kickoff_2015/the-comeback-trail-highland-scotties/article_107ef654-51bb-11e5-bc1c-cfc5330ca34b.html</a><br />
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The Scotties have a long road ahead of them, and it's still a struggle watching their games. The road blocks? Lack of knowledge and experience, language barrier, and trepidation. How often do you feel a touch of victory when the half-time score is 0-40? And an even greater victory when the final score is 0-47? That was a great second half, by the way. So yeah, it's rough. But man, I get to watch my boy all over that field. "Tackle by Jensen." "Tackle by Jacob Jensen." "Tackle by number 51, Jacob Jensen." "The ball stopped by Jensen." "Number 51 with the tackle." How many ways can they say that? He scrambles over and under and through. He torpedoes from out of nowhere and takes the runner down. He comes from the other side of the field and stops forward motion. He blocks kicks with his chest. He. Never. Lets. The score. Slow. Him. Down. Seriously. Fun to watch. And you know what? It's contagious. During second half, different numbers, different names with the tackles. You can feel it. The team is watching. The team is getting brave.<br />
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When Jacob was in 2nd grade, I got a call from the principal. Jacob had been in a fight. A classmate was being bullied, and Jacob had had enough and launched himself at the bully. I was told it was a full-out rolling on the floor, punching fight. On top of that, I was told that Jacob was lying about his part in the fight. The principal asked me to come in and get my son.<br />
I was full of mixed emotions: proud of Jacob for defending a bullied child, worried about finding him bloodied or bruised, confused about discipline, and embarrassed that he would lie. He was my most honest child.<br />
I arrived to find Jacob with a swollen lip and scratched neck. The principal (who was the most disengaged principal I've ever known at a school) briefed me on what happened, expressed his understanding that Jacob was defending against bullies, but made a very big deal over the lying. "I asked him if he had punched the other boy, and Jacob said no. It was very plain that they were throwing punches. We have witnesses. He's lying, and so he's expelled for the day."<br />
The lying was the thing. I just thanked him and we left.<br />
On the way home (we were walking), I gave Jacob a hug for defending someone who was being bullied, and asked him what happened. He got to the fight part and said, "So we started hitting."<br />
I stopped. I asked, "So, you were punching?"<br />
"No," he said. "<i>Hitting</i>. But he hit me first. I just tackled him away from (the smaller kid)."<br />
I said, "Show me what punching is."<br />
He closed his fist, and acted out hitting himself in the face and head.<br />
I said, "Show me hitting."<br />
He closed his fist and acted out hitting his body all over. Just his body.<br />
I said, "So you were hitting."<br />
He nodded.<br />
"But not punching?"<br />
He shook his head no. "I wasn't punching."<br />
He wasn't lying. His definitions were just different than ours. And he stood by them. And I gave him a big hug. I taught him about the words. We talked about what to do about bullies and friends, and frustration and anger. I wanted to go back into that office and tell the principal my son wasn't a liar. I wanted to tell that principal that I wish somebody would have done for his brother Braeden what Jacob did for that little boy, when Braeden was being bullied. In HIS school, on HIS watch.<br />
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But from that point on, I knew I didn't have to worry about Jacob getting picked on, or Jacob worrying about what other people think, or Jacob fearing much of anything. He'll have trials, he'll have obstacles, he'll make mistakes and have heartache like the rest of us. But he's one of my heroes.<br />
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He won't sit back and let things fall apart. I can just picture his response to that suggestion.<br />
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"Why would I do that?" And then he'd grin.<br />
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<br />Kristahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734014895825429358noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29305443.post-3621790334556335742015-09-20T18:50:00.000-06:002015-09-20T21:34:47.820-06:00Two-Month Anniversary: Gotcha DayI finally uploaded this video and I'm amazed at the changes in Will since we first met him on July 20. In a lot of ways he was more like a 9-month old baby on that day and even that first week, instead of a 25-month old little boy. I can see his detachment and discomfort (not surprising considering he was just passed off to strangers), the way he's leaning away and even his legs are not engaged in being held. Now when we hold him we note his "tree frog" grip. Even his toes grip us tight, and his arms rest on our necks as he is happily packed here and there, asking us what everything is called. In the video he only makes eye-contact a few times. But I also see glimpses of the toddler just waiting for a chance to be heard, listened to, taught. I see a brave little boy who is choosing to observe and wait and see what exactly is happening before he allows fear to take over his emotions. It did, eventually, and what a road we've had facing those fears. But he didn't let it keep him from coming to us, and that was brave.<br />
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I simply handed him a toy car, and he was willing to come right to me. And when it was time to leave that chaotic room and see what was outside, he was willing to come with us again. He's an explorer. An observer. A question-asker. A risk-taker. Thank goodness.<br />
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I prefer watching this video without the sound. The sounds of that room and China still make me a little nuts. But I'm in total caregiver mode asking those questions. That's pretty much all the info we got. But Brandon, Will, and I had each other and we did what we could with experience and what we'd studied, and focused on what worked and what didn't. He's a different little boy now. Not totally, but it's like he'd been bucked off-track the first two years and now he's returned to becoming himself. He's finally turning over his "inner parent" to us, and trusting us to do that job for him, and to do it better. That alone has eliminated half the battles, and he's having a childhood. He plays, he laughs, he pushes boundaries and his body, and if he gets frustrated or hurt, he turns it over to us. Mama will help. Dada will make it better. Will will be okay. Will isn't alone anymore. Will has Mama, Dada, Meh-en, Eckob, Dog, and Beh. He looks at family pictures and knows Chessa, M't, A-Car, Bampa, Bamba, and Sheh. He hears Brodie barking at the front door and goes running to see who's there, and squeals in utter, really LOUD delight when it's Dada or Eckob or anyone from his little tribe. That's right, now we have the dog barking AND the baby screaming at the front door when somebody comes. WELCOME. We are so excited to have you WAIT WHERE ARE YOU GOING? WE'RE CUUUUUTE.<br />
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He is a sweet little man. I recently read on an adoption blog, addressing the traumatic state of your adoption those first days, that "the child you get in China is not your child." It's true. They find themselves later. They just need to be given that chance.<br />
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I wanted to take some new video to post with the Gotcha Day video, so yesterday I took the camera outside. He got pretty quiet for the camera, but we had fun exploring, This is a pretty typical day out back with Willster. (Please ignore the space of dirt where the pool used to be. We're getting sod put down soon! I hope...)<br />
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What we're seeing:<br />
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GROWTH: Will has grown from being in the less-than-3% in weight and height, to 6% in weight and 12% in height. Everything is looking good in his development. We are humbled and grateful. He loves to move that little body. If his bathtime play is any indication, he should be a little swimmer next summer.<br />
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SLEEP: He's taking his bottle again. 6oz of warm whole milk (with a scoop of formula added until the container is empty) for nap and bedtime. He's doing great with sleep. He rarely wakes up at night, now. HOORAY.<br />
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REGULATION: Today was Will's first full day of church. All three hours. His behavior is very typically toddler, and that's great. He likes nursery and interacts pretty nicely with the kids. He offers them cars and gives them back things they've dropped. Today he pushed a wooden ring back and forth across the table with a little girl. I'm happy to see he gets along well with others his age. He had moments of potential meltdown, but there was always some distraction and he pushed through it okay. We kept bear handy just in case, and used it a few times, but overall, he seems to really like it in there. HOORAY. It definitely helps that my new church job is nursery assistant. Perfect!<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Last week we took Will to Sacrament meeting and then a little preview of nursery.<br />
He seemed to accept it as just part of what we do. Because we're a family. <br />
Also, couldn't you just squish him?</td></tr>
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COMMUNICATION: Will is pretending to talk on his toy phone. He says, "Haloo." Then nods his head like he's listening. Then he says some gibberish, then hands the phone off to someone else to say "Haloo." He started this after talking to my mom and then Chelsea on the phone. It's adorable. New words: tah...tah...tah (hot; this is whispered), tee (eat), Bampa/Bamba (Grampa and Gramma), Sheh (Shelli), gwink-oo (thank you), quock (clock), sit (kiss), nigh (good night), lebelblelblelbel (Llama Llama), MEEEEEYA...MEEEEEEYA (Come here! It's usually yelled from somewhere I am not. I noticed I say it a lot in the videos, ha).<br />
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Happy Anniversary, Will. It has all been totally worth it.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/6oG0PjtkKg4" width="560"></iframe>Kristahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734014895825429358noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29305443.post-32851588067296799392015-09-07T00:43:00.000-06:002015-09-07T00:45:52.221-06:00Zen Project<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I've been working on what I call my "Zen Project" for a couple of weeks now. When Will started taking more regular naps, and I started anticipating (not pleasantly) taking him to church, I couldn't help remembering my Quiet Book from when I was little. I LOVED that thing. It kept me busy every week at church. And I thought, "It's too bad I don't have that for Will." </div>
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And then I remembered that I can sew.</div>
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Most of these ideas are based off designs I found on Pinterest, so I'm including a link to my sewing board where they can be found, <a href="https://www.pinterest.com/kristalynnej/sewing-sewing-sewing/">here</a>.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is the inside cover put together just before sewing it and the outside cover together. On the left is part of the first page of the quiet book, and on the right is a big pocket for a coloring book or board book. The spaces on the reinforced spine are where the binder rings slip through. I based this design off a couple of books I saw on Pinterest. I lined each side with fusible fleece for body and structure.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Here's the cover all sewn together, turned right-sides out and edge-stitched, rings in place, and ready to fill. I sewed the button on after it was filled to make sure the placement worked.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Name Page. The letters store in the pocket and velcro into place. The buttons all slide on the ribbons. Weee!<br />
My pages are 10x10" and made on extra-heavy interfacing fabric (Pellon). I machine or hand-stitched everything. Nothing is glued or ironed on. Basically because I don't trust glue, and I hate ironing, though I did iron on the fusible fleece for the cover. I used fray-check for ribbon edges.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Stoplight Page. This was a basic template. I added the pocket and words, and the "hanging wire" look. The lights snap on.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dump Truck Page. This one was pretty fun. The basic template was a solid-pieced truck and load, with wheels that turned. I loved the big wheels, but wanted more. I made everything bigger, then made the dumper into a pocket with a removable load, and hinged it using two buttons (one in front and one in back). I hope it's sturdy enough! The wheels button on and off and turn great in that mud. Vroom.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-aKB5VEiX9IY/Ve0XKlX_aEI/AAAAAAAAGmE/vqYbb2-GJZQ/s1600/DSCN2004.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-aKB5VEiX9IY/Ve0XKlX_aEI/AAAAAAAAGmE/vqYbb2-GJZQ/s400/DSCN2004.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Flower Page. All the templates I found for the classic flower page had them in a vase. But I wanted them in the dirt. So I layered brown woven ribbon and "planted" those beauties. All the colors can mix and match.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-l2xJB_HohYQ/Ve0X6pcQD3I/AAAAAAAAGmY/S_hcHYuu-HU/s1600/DSCN2006.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-l2xJB_HohYQ/Ve0X6pcQD3I/AAAAAAAAGmY/S_hcHYuu-HU/s400/DSCN2006.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Matching Page. I made this one up. Will loves peek-a-boo, he loves finding things, and as he grows he'll learn matching skills. Cars, penguins, bears, oh my! It was fun to pick out the little buttons.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ODP5QfU4crc/Ve0X7sHdN2I/AAAAAAAAGmg/-UNVS7o6Md0/s1600/DSCN2008.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ODP5QfU4crc/Ve0X7sHdN2I/AAAAAAAAGmg/-UNVS7o6Md0/s400/DSCN2008.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Grocery Store Page. This template was for a bushel of veggies and fruit. I LOVE the patterns. But I wanted a step up from the bushel. So here we are in the grocery store. I love sales.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-L9OSemA22ak/Ve0YcR6_uPI/AAAAAAAAGmo/sCnatBUZ24g/s1600/DSCN2009.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-L9OSemA22ak/Ve0YcR6_uPI/AAAAAAAAGmo/sCnatBUZ24g/s400/DSCN2009.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hamburger Page. This is another idea I saw and changed it up. Will loves burgers and fries. The burger-building items store in the cup. </td></tr>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Shapes Page. I struggled with this page. At first I had all the shapes attached to the pocked with ribbons. But that made a big jumbled mess. So I cut the ribbons off. I can totally see that semicircle getting lost first. I guess I know where I can get another one, huh?</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-B1T0QSgCsqQ/Ve0ZHEAl7PI/AAAAAAAAGnA/P8clg8Wcazw/s1600/DSCN2012.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-B1T0QSgCsqQ/Ve0ZHEAl7PI/AAAAAAAAGnA/P8clg8Wcazw/s400/DSCN2012.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Counting Page. This came straight from the template. I liked the simplicity of it.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jIHFPF8NaZk/Ve0ZWm21ZvI/AAAAAAAAGnQ/VxvUmu_d_ew/s1600/DSCN2013.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jIHFPF8NaZk/Ve0ZWm21ZvI/AAAAAAAAGnQ/VxvUmu_d_ew/s400/DSCN2013.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dress-Up Page. This is probably my favorite page. The only change I made was to make the facial features closer to Will's, and I created a better treasure box for the loot. Super fun. The hard part was stopping myself from making a dozen more dress-ups. I may add a few later. Scuba gear, football helmet...I drew out a template for a luchador mask...</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-bIAbS01vo0s/Ve0aaCIhidI/AAAAAAAAGnw/ftiM3yi51tY/s1600/DSCN2019.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-bIAbS01vo0s/Ve0aaCIhidI/AAAAAAAAGnw/ftiM3yi51tY/s400/DSCN2019.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bedtime Bear Page. Who wouldn't want to put a soft teddy to bed? The bear and the page on the right is the original template. I added a toothbrush, a bottle, and a storybook. After all, Will loves routine.</td></tr>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-sQpOr8S12qw/Ve0ayEyl4wI/AAAAAAAAGoA/tm-XgWvoBOA/s1600/DSCN2021.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-sQpOr8S12qw/Ve0ayEyl4wI/AAAAAAAAGoA/tm-XgWvoBOA/s400/DSCN2021.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bhiA75r1sLM/Ve0axCWJj9I/AAAAAAAAGn4/GowGfnL_4wA/s1600/DSCN2022.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bhiA75r1sLM/Ve0axCWJj9I/AAAAAAAAGn4/GowGfnL_4wA/s400/DSCN2022.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The book has fabric pages and a real story that I wrote.<br />
"Sweet dreams...Sleep tight...I love you...Good night."</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-nEmaanhn1pg/Ve0bXzkQIeI/AAAAAAAAGoM/Oy1IPQoEhKU/s1600/DSCN2023.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-nEmaanhn1pg/Ve0bXzkQIeI/AAAAAAAAGoM/Oy1IPQoEhKU/s400/DSCN2023.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Zipper Page. I had to throw one more page together so the bed page had a "back" and could go in the book. I'd found these zippers so I sewed them on. And I thought, "BO-RING." So I thought and I thought.<br />
Then I remembered that I can draw.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fI9404PxkDc/Ve0cZ7vtBwI/AAAAAAAAGo0/tk3xZ7zBmQg/s1600/DSCN2029.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fI9404PxkDc/Ve0cZ7vtBwI/AAAAAAAAGo0/tk3xZ7zBmQg/s400/DSCN2029.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Now, it's one of my favorite pages. Yay!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8FSz005qbWY/Ve0c_L6uQdI/AAAAAAAAGpQ/v7_nkDW5ZfA/s1600/DSCN2033.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8FSz005qbWY/Ve0c_L6uQdI/AAAAAAAAGpQ/v7_nkDW5ZfA/s400/DSCN2033.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">And here we are! The beginning of Will's Quiet Book! The button is really the color of that green ribbon. Not sure why it showed up chartreuse. ANYHOO...I made one engineering mistake. I should have made the cover about two inched longer on each side so as the book fills up with pages on the 3" rings, those that rise up in the middle won't stick out. But I'm not too broken up about it. I love how everything turned out!</td></tr>
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I can't wait to show it to Will. And it was so great to create something with my hands again. It really helped me destress during nap time, and it also gave me an opportunity to think about the stories I will write next. After I finished each page, I would look at it lovingly and say to myself, "Will is going to tear this apart." Then I would add it to the pile and allow that to be okay. I didn't make it for a museum. I made it to be loved.<br />
<br />Kristahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734014895825429358noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29305443.post-66620417728725373662015-09-06T20:20:00.001-06:002015-09-06T20:54:48.231-06:00Update on Will the Brave<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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We've been home six weeks from China and I've been so busy with Will, back-to-school, appointments, and a few projects, that I haven't conjured up the time to post an update. Well, <i>abra kadabra</i>, here you go.<br />
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ADORABLENESS: HE IS FULL OF IT. His personality is big and his enthusiasm and determination makes for pretty fun antics. He's entertaining and he knows it. His "toddlerness" is pretty spot on and we laugh, grimace, cushion, and encourage. Lots of laughing, though. And face-palming.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mowing the lawn like Dad.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">ALL</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">BY</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">HIS</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">OWN</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">LITTLE</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">SELF.</td></tr>
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COPING SKILLS: Will is continuing to absorb this new life and leave the old one behind. He is gaining new coping skills and uses them. He learned "soft" ("dahh") and he has attached to his teddy bear. This was huge, as he had zero interest in any stuffed animal from the beginning, and honestly, we only kept three in the crib to use as soft barriers between his head and the crib railings. But one morning he woke up and played the name game (he points to his chest and says "Will," then points to something else and I tell him its name, then repeat), but this time he pointed to each of his stuffed animals. I was surprised, because I didn't know he even noticed them.<br />
"Will?" He points.<br />
"Bear."<br />
"Will?" He points.<br />
"Racoon."<br />
"Will?" He points.<br />
"Llama llama."<br />
Repeat the next couple of days.<br />
Then one morning he woke up and held up one of the animals in triumph. "BEH!" And he noted Beh was soft. "Dahh." And he wanted Beh to come with us to breakfast. And to read books. And in the car. And pretty soon Will would make Beh dance and he'd sing, "Doo dee doo dee doo." And if Will fell or got frustrated and was angry or too deregulated to want or see me, I could give him Beh and we would say "Dahh. Dahh. Dahh." and pet Beh's soft fur, and Will would calm down and see me again. If Beh wasn't around, we used our dog Brodie. "Dahh. Dahh. Dahh." Soft. "It's okay. Soft. Soft. It's okay." And Will would calm down. And sometimes, if Beh or Brodie were not available, and a meltdown was beginning, I would take Will's hand and we'd rub his own arm or cheek and say, "Soft. Soft." And Will would take a breath and say, "Dahh. Dahh." Last night as I was putting him to bed, he was a bit wound up and refusing his bottle and just being a toot. But it was 9:30 and we both needed sleep. I was frustrated about the bottle and was moving him to a different position, and he started to kick. But as I settled him into the crook of my arm, his hand went to his cheek and he said, "Dahh. Dahh. Dahh," stroking his own cheek. This was a choice he made, at a point where, weeks before, he would have been hurting himself as his coping mechanism and losing control. It was a small little thing and he only did it the little bit before settling down and letting me rock him, but I was moved by the magnitude of this switch in his thought process. "Will is soft, and Will can calm down, and be soft to Will. Just like Beh." It's not every time, and it's not always enough, but baby steps. Awesome little huge baby steps.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Will and Beh just before bedtime. Sleepy-face.</td></tr>
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COMMUNICATION: As I mentioned, Will plays a name game. He asks for the name of lots of things. Sometimes he attempts to repeat, sometimes he just listens. Then a few days later he starts using the word. So, new words: ha-lo (hello), peeez? (please--he's caught on that I melt when he says this so of course it's one of his manipulation tactics), qua (crib), <i>phh</i>inn (fan--he's a little obsessed with our ceiling fans and struggles with words that begin with F, so he practices this a lot), nigh (good night), Beh (bear), oo-foo (shoes), buh-bo (button), fow-feh (flower), cuck (truck), tsi-tsi (sit), nah (done), on..mmm...eee...GO! (one, two, three, GO!), ummeee (yummy), buh (book), luh-ow-loo (I love you). We finally Skyped with his niece, Carly (ha that sounds so weird), and they were pretty cute. They stared at each other for awhile with little smiles on their faces, then they both pointed and called each other "baby." Then Carly waved her big hand wave and Will returned it with his little finger wave and Chelsea and I were pretty much wishing we weren't four states away.<br />
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SLEEP: We've made big strides in sleep. Every once in a while he'll fight going to sleep, or wake up at night once or twice, but it's becoming more normal for him to go to sleep and sleep through the night. He's starting to refuse his bottle or just drink two ounces, or he'll drink eight. So I don't know. I'm switching him gradually from formula to milk so maybe that has something to do with it. Oh well. But I'm definitely grateful for more regular sleep. He hasn't had any night terrors lately. Most of the time when he wakes up I'm greeted with an enthusiastic "HI!" hands thrown up in the air, big grin, and a quick grab of Beh before he leaves the crib. Pretty fantastic. If he wakes up grumpy, we're in for a long day, ha.<br />
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SOCIALIZING: We've had a visit from my sister and her family, a day trip to my parents' house, we took Will to Jacob's football scrimmage and a staff BBQ, I take Will walking in the mornings with my friends Sara and Laura, and we've ventured to Maren's dental appointments, junior high orientation, Costco, the grocery store, JoAnn Fabric, and even Hobby Lobby <i>really quickly</i>. He's doing pretty well as long as the trips aren't too long (he did NOT like the trip to Kennewick; however, he LOVED my parents) and we have snacks. The school orientation was too much. But he does love being in the car and seems to enjoy the car seat as long as it's not more than thirty minutes. And he is social, saying "Hi!" and "Car!" to anyone he thinks might be interested. So we practice. We were going to take him to church today, but he's been fighting a cough and cold, and yesterday the same thing hit Brandon hard, so they stayed home together and I GOT TO GO TO CHURCH. Yay! The cute thing is, Will totally loves Brandon. They play together really well, and we can see Will kind of showing off for him when he gets home from work, like, "See what I learned to do today? Watch me do it even louder and stronger!" I think Brandon likes that extra cause to smile after a long day at work. Pretty sweet.<br />
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So, we've been up and down and all around, but hopefully moving forward. In trying to describe to friends the changes we see in Will compared to those first weeks, I told them it was like we are seeing him filling up with water and coming <i>alive</i>. Before, he was surviving. But he's beginning to live.<br />
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<br />Kristahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734014895825429358noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29305443.post-46735004661389215612015-08-16T18:15:00.000-06:002015-08-16T18:15:07.050-06:00Two Weeks Home<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This last Thursday marked two weeks home with Will, and tomorrow marks four weeks since Gotcha Day. Here are the things we are seeing:<br />
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SLEEP: Will seems to have transitioned from his fear (terror) of falling asleep, to fearing that we will leave the room. This is GOOD. He has moved from using the end of his bottle as a jump off point to a thrashing, kicking, clawing fight to stay awake, to allowing himself to relax into my arms, be rocked, and then laid in his crib. Sometimes I need to hover near the crib, sometimes I try to sneak out and then have to come back in and just be present a few more minutes, but sometimes I can put him down and he'll settle into his blanket and I can leave. I attribute this change to gas drops after he finishes his bottle (YAY GAS DROPS), keeping the music low but on repeat (Kenny Loggins' Return to Pooh Corner and the Chinese Children's Angelic Choir Lullabies cds, rotated every few days all night or all nap), and Will's progressing attachment. He is clearly no longer afraid to go to sleep, and he likes his room. He says "bye-bye" to everyone, blows a kiss, and gives them each a soft headbutt before bedtime. The fact that he doesn't want me to leave the room means that he finds my presence a comfort, a reassurance. And that's SO GOOD. I will take it. And it only takes an extra five-ten minutes of comforting and sneaking out. Better than the full 1-2 hours it used to take after his bottle was finished.<br />
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BUT...last Sunday night Will had a major meltdown. It happened about two hours after he fell asleep. Jacob and I took turns trying to comfort him. Maren peeked in to see if she could help. Will was a detached, unreachable, enraged wild animal and it was heartbreaking. It brought back the pain of the airplane trip, but I was thankful I could be on the carpet with him and keep him safe, at least. And for the first time, as he thrashed and tore and screamed, I considered night terrors. Is this what we had been dealing with all along? He completely exhausted himself. The kids worried. I cried as he was so spent he could no longer even lift his arms, and all that he could utter were despairing moans, still not giving in to sleep and keeping his eyes wide open, staring at nothing. I gently lifted him and put him in his crib. He kept his eyes open for 10 more minutes as he calmed, and then he dropped. I went and sat out in the hall and sobbed. Then I looked up "post-adoption night terrors" on my phone. The description fit.<br />
The next morning I called my sister, whose son had night terrors from the age of two to four years. Knowledge is good, and so is knowing you're not alone. It was actually a relief. With night terrors, you shouldn't wake the child. Let them ride it out. They won't remember it. It's harder on the parents than the child. Just keep him safe. I can do that. The kids can handle that. And sure enough, the next morning, Will woke up bright-eyed and cheerful, shouting "HI!" when he saw me and reaching for me with both hands and a huge grin, and probably wondering why mommy looked like she'd wrestled a wolverine all night.<br />
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That was last Sunday, and it hasn't happened again. He has woken up during the night and I've assessed what was happening, and the night terror hasn't returned yet. A bottle and rocking, or just a reassurance that someone has come and he's okay, seems to be working. Will is sleeping through the night about every 3 nights and last night was a gift of two-nights-in-a-row! But if the night terror does return, I'm better prepared to handle it. We all are.<br />
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ROUTINE: We've finally been able to re-establish a sort-of routine, now that jet-lag is finally being shown the door. Will is a creature of habit. Not surprising given the structured routine of an institution. I'm fine with this. He's still sleeping in longer than he should (and I am, too), but school starting will remedy that. Breakfast, playtime, bottle, nap, snack, playtime, dinner, walk, bath, bottle, bedtime. Routine. He loves it. I appreciate it. He takes good naps. I have to wake him after 2 1/2 hours. But I'm starting to see that naptime will be my designated writing time. Yes, I can finally begin to believe that I will write again. And soon.<br />
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COMMUNICATION: I heard Will walking around the house the other day repeating a sound. "Ooo-kheee. Ooo-kheee. Ooo-kheee." Cute. A little later he lost his balance and landed on his bum. I asked, "Uh-oh, are you okay?" Getting up, he said, "Ooo-kheee." Okay. Okay. OKAY. He's saying okay. And nobody taught him. Yesterday he started calling cars "car" instead of "chu-chu." He's just picking things up. It's awesome.<br />
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COPING SKILLS: As Will's institutional behaviors diminish, it's become clear that his coping skills are poo. We are starting from scratch in teaching him how to handle disappointments, because he's been left to himself to try to cope with the TREMENDOUS disappointments life has shown him already, and no offense Will, but your baby brain filled in the blanks with awful things. This, above all, is why I hesitate to take him out, to attempt even an hour of church, to take him grocery shopping or visiting teaching. His temper is HOT. He gets frustrated easily. If he hurts himself he loses it. If he's tired or out of the "routine" it's clear a meltdown could be looming, waiting for any trigger to set it off. But even in the four weeks that we've been working on this we've made definite progress. He's a different child than when we first got him. It's like he was a seed in dry soil and now he's beginning to sprout. We are blessed to be part of it. The growth will continue, I'm sure. He is doing such a great job already. I wonder who he'll be a year from now? I'm excited for him. "Keep trying, Will! Get up! Dust yourself off. Let me kiss it better. You're okay. Get up. Up! Good job! You can do it!" The other day I was thinking about something I'd felt--I KNEW--from my Dad, from the earliest of the earlies: "You can do it, Kris." Always. It was ingrained in me that my Dad knew I could do anything. It was my fact.<br />
I want Will to feel that from us. I want him to KNOW it. Like it's part of him. "You can do it."<br />
"I knew you could do it."<br />
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It's the most powerful thing.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-H7kKdzj_g0U/VdEfPHGS5QI/AAAAAAAAGf4/ghE102a7pX4/s1600/IMG_3196.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-H7kKdzj_g0U/VdEfPHGS5QI/AAAAAAAAGf4/ghE102a7pX4/s400/IMG_3196.JPG" width="298" /></a>THE FAMILY: Last Thursday we arranged for Brandon to keep Will for the afternoon while Maren and I went back-to-school shopping. Maren and I counted down the days, and Brandon took a deep breath, and shooed us out the door while Will wasn't looking. And they did great! Will realized I was gone, of course, but Brandon distracted him with play. They read "the same three books a hundred times," Will knocked the kitchen garbage over twice, emptied the tupperware drawer three times, they played outside, ate spaghetti for dinner, went on a 40 minute walk, and when we came in the front door towing our shopping bags, Brandon was coming down the stairs holding a freshly-bathed Will, who wore pajamas and a huge grin. YESSSSSSS. Also, my eyes popped out of my head because I couldn't even remember Brandon ever bathing our other kids. I'm sure it happened. Probably? He even used lotion! O_O<br />
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Brandon was dog-tired, but agreed that the evening was a success,and I was very grateful.<br />
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Speaking of dogs, Brodie and Will have come to a truce of sorts. Brodie realized that after nap, Will sometimes gets to carry around a toddler snack-cup full of goldfish crackers, and sometimes, Will sticks his whole hand into the cup and pulls it out with such force that, to Brodie's delight, a dozen crackers go flying with it. Likewise, Will discovered that Brodie likes to eat goldfish crackers, and that's fun. So, they are in a "mutual appreciation" phase of their relationship. But I have noted that bringing Will home is the event that made our 6 1/2 year-old "puppy" grow up and act his age. Kind of bitter-sweet. He may bark his head off at the "murderers outside our door," but he's my affectionate, sweet dog. I hope he grows to be a good friend to Will. And protects him from those murderers. *eyeroll*<br />
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Jacob was at Scout Encampment up near Spokane all week and Will recognized his absence. He pointed out pics of "Eckub" anytime he was near them, and he clapped and smiled when Jacob came home. Cool.<br />
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I'm excited that the kids get to go back to school, but honestly, I've loved having them close. I've leaned on them and they've lifted me up. They've encouraged me and thanked me and witnessed all the things. They've put their arms around me when I felt like collapsing in tears. They've changed diapers and babysat and let me nap. They've been awesome. I couldn't ask for better kids. But I'm stronger and routine will be good for all of us. They need their friends and activities. And they'll have an excited little brother to come home to.<br />
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Loving Will is improving all of us.</div>
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I <i>hate </i>imagining this strong, smart, silly, affectionate boy growing up anywhere else.</div>
Kristahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734014895825429358noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29305443.post-20496421028006962792015-08-09T10:42:00.000-06:002015-08-16T14:59:41.949-06:00One Week Home<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It's time for an update. One week home, three weeks from Gotcha Day. I'd like to start by saying that besides raising 4 of my own kids, all very different types of toddlers, I also worked in a large inner-city daycare center in the infant/toddler room while Brandon was in college, and continued to babysit privately in my home until just a few years ago. With all of this experience, and all the studying of international adoption I did for XinQin and Will, this has been one of the most emotional, fascinating, draining, frustrating, heart-breaking, joyful, rewarding things I've ever encountered. We are in a constant state of considering where Will came from, where his head is, his loss, his grieving, his genetics and his personality, along with his firsts, his joys, his comforts. I knew that stuff with my bio kids. With Will, it's like working through a labyrinth, hoping we're making the right turns.<br />
We've been home from China a week now. Here's a list of things we are seeing:<br />
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1. Will's meltdowns have diminished to more manageable tantrums, and they are fewer. His negative (and scary) institutional behaviors are fading. We are in awe at the speed in which he is learning and choosing to regulate himself instead of giving himself over to what is more familiar. This is such a blessing. We are still cocooning so we're keeping him out of social situations. Right now I fear he might fall back on old habits if he's overwhelmed or over-stimulated. Still, seeing the rate at which he's letting it go is so encouraging, and we wonder at the idea of him still being in an orphanage, and at the other little ones still there, and these horrible behaviors continuing and strengthening, when it takes so little time for their minds to begin accepting that there is something better for them, if it's offered. He is soaking in real love and constant family.<br />
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2. I'm not concerned about language at all. He's a little mimic. He jabbers a lot and reminds us of our granddaughter, Carly. Getting these two together, I smile at the conversations of jibberish they would have. No, he's not speaking Chinese. We asked our China guide. She laughed. Nope, just baby talk. He does say Thank you (xie xie) and car (chu chu) in Chinese, but that's it. He is picking up new English words every day. He says hi (his favorite greeting repeated over and over), bye-bye, Mama and Dada, Cub (Jacob), Meh (Maren), baby, apple, bow wow or woof, nana (banana), cheese ("say cheese" for the camera), pee-bee-bee (peekaboo), and I see (I see you). Yesterday we started the name game, pointing to ourselves and saying our name, then pointing to Will and saying his name. He caught on and wanted to play again today, starting with "Will."<br />
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3. Sleep makes a HUGE difference, especially for Mommy. I've been running on 3 hours of sleep a night, with only 2-3 full nights of sleep thrown in there. Will was cranky, I was cranky, and honestly, I was crying at the drop of a hat. A body and mind can't function on exhaustion. Add to the mix that I've been sick since day 2 in China. I lost 10 pounds in two weeks because of a stomach thing. Not an energizing weight loss program, but a draining illness. And I was putting Will first. So the stomach bug and no sleep, on top of jet lag and being there for all of this transition has been absolutely draining, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Will seems to have sleep anxiety--not <i>being </i>asleep, but <i>going </i>to sleep, as if it's a loss of control he can't give in to. After learning of the conditions in which they're put to bed in the orphanage, I can't blame him. We somehow have to make that transition a safe place for him, and I think we're figuring it out. But yesterday, after another 3-hour night, I was a mess. Brandon mentioned something at dinner and I just started crying. Blah. BUT, we tried fresh ideas with the bedtime thing and kept Will up until 10 pm, Brandon bought me a new comfy rocking chair, and somehow the mix worked and Will slept through the night. That was so needed. Both of us slept until 9:30 am. So today, at least, I'm thinking clearer and Will was definitely happier. We'll see how tonight goes. Also, I've been on probiotics for a few days and I think they're making a difference. I hope. I need to be healthy and strong.<br />
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4. Going backward to move forward. In all of my studying I read a lot about regressive behavior in institution kids. I'm so grateful. On paper, Will is 25 months old. In life, he is more like 14 months old, in some ways, a lot younger. He has 16 teeth, but doesn't know how to chew, because he was only fed soft foods. He still pushes food to the roof of his mouth. He's making up for lost time with that one as we introduce finger foods. He loves apples and they're great chewing practice. He still takes a bottle. The nanny told us he takes one night bottle of regular cold milk. But he didn't want that. We give him a bottle of warm formula before nap time and one before bed. I don't care. He loves it. He needs it. When we first started with a bottle, he'd turn away from me, and not make eye contact, not letting me touch the bottle, and barely him. Then, he would turn toward me. Then, he began to make solid eye contact, and study me. Then the matching began. I'd read about that, so it was exciting to see happen. He'd lift his brows. I'd lift mine. He'd blink long. I'd blink long. He'd grin. I'd grin. He'd lift his brows again. I'd copy. Then one night, he reached up and rested his hand on my face. That was emotional. I moved his palm to my mouth and kissed it. Now, when he greets me after nap, or in the morning, or during bottle, or when he likes a book I've read, he lifts his palm to my mouth and I kiss it. So yeah, bottle time. All the things I did naturally as I nursed my bio babies...Will didn't get any of that. He's getting it now. We do a lot of rocking in the rocking chair. Lots.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8000001907349px;">He loves steamed broccoli.</td></tr>
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5. Physically, Will is growing. He's sturdier, and I'm pretty sure he's heavier. He's still a comfy 18 months in clothes, but he feels strong and healthy in our arms (especially when he's fighting sleep with all of his might, ugh). When we first got him he toddled unsteadily, holding a hand. Now he walks very independently and practically runs. His first doctor appointment will be in a couple of weeks. He hated the medical exams in China. I'm not looking forward to it, but I have questions that need answers, and we need to make sure he's on the right track.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8000001907349px;">Chasing bubbles.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8000001907349px;">He loves the little pool. He hopped and splashed and spent lots of energy with me and Maren.</td></tr>
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6. Will loves to read books. I could not be happier with this. All day, interspersed with his other play, he brings us books to read to him. He wants a book when he first wakes up (Little Blue Truck Leads the Way), repeated (All the Ways I Love You, the little photo book I made him, and others), and before he goes to bed (On the Night You Were Born). We read to him as much as he wants. Are you kidding me? We're a book family.<br />
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7. Just now, at 11:15 pm, Will woke up. I braced myself and went up to his room. When I picked him up out of his crib, I noticed he had a wet diaper. So I changed him there in the dark as he calmed. With dry diaper on, I lifted him to my shoulder and he relaxed. I swayed with him until his breathing deepened, with <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Return-Pooh-Corner-Kenny-Loggins/dp/B0000029FW">Kenny Loggins</a> singing softly in the background, and then laid him in his crib, and snuck out. It worked. No institutional rocking. Totally normal. And I was blown away by the normalcy of it, taking time to say a little prayer of thanks and do a little victory dance in the hall. I'm not naive enough to think it will be sweet sailing nighttime bliss from here on out. No way. But tonight, I'm grateful.<br />
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And I'm going to bed.<br />
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Kristahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734014895825429358noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29305443.post-62072565743209496402015-08-02T00:55:00.000-06:002015-08-02T00:55:50.300-06:00Night and DayIt's taken me awhile to get to this post for a few reasons.<br />
1. Sleep. I told my daughter it's like I've been crawling in the desert dying of thirst and sleep is my water.<br />
2. This is our third day home and I just barely unpacked my laptop. That shows how big a priority number 1 is.<br />
3. Avoidance. The last few days have been rough. But we're doing okay. We're hanging in there. We have a lot to be thankful for. But it's been rough. Number 1 has a bit to do with that, too.<br />
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We left our guide in Guangzhou and boarded a bullet train to Hong Kong. We were on our own. Will didn't like the trip at all. Our guide gave us a few warnings: Change to Hong Kong money as soon as we can because the taxis there don't take Chinese money, use the taxis, not private drivers, and she told us what it should cost to get us to our hotel. We managed to find our way out of the depot to the street, and we were immediately met by a nicely dressed, older driver of a private car, offering us a ride. But we hadn't changed money yet and had no idea where to do that, it was dark, and we'd had our warnings. Brandon murmured something about changing money and the man offered to take our Chinese money, and to take us right to our hotel at the airport for a reasonable price. We didn't have the energy to turn him down, and nobody else was around anymore. He led us to an old limo and we piled in. Will fell asleep within a few minutes, and 45 minutes later the limo pulled up in front of our hotel. I cried a little and almost hugged the driver. I think that he was sent to us.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Will woke up in a new hotel room. I think he sensed more change.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is attitude. See that beloved morning bottle? He refused it. He refused food. Ominous.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">He loves watching cars. </td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is during boarding. Brandon is in line for us because Will refused to be held. Great beginning to a 13-hour flight, yes?</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I couldn't help wondering what was going on his mind. Good-bye, China. </td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I took these next pictures knowing that this would probably be the best part of the flight.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">He finally fell asleep during take-off with these headphones on plugged into a Sesame Street show. It was pretty sweet. But he hadn't had his bottle or eaten much, It was a short nap.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">When we checked in, Delta had no record of Will's seat purchase. But we had the invoice emails. They couldn't get the three of us together, but a nice guy who'd traveled with kids before switched with Brandon so he was at least across the aisle. </td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is the last of peace on the flight. I came out kicked, battered, broken, and completely thrown up on. I used Melatonin and Benadryl for him and he fought it all like a T-Rex. The woman in front of Will's seat was horrid about it, but we got a lot of compassion from other travelers. I got maybe one hour of sleep, Will got about three. We got off the plane and I thought, "Okay, we're done, we made it." And that's when he threw up a whole carton of blueberry yogurt all over me. Just before customs, and then a 45 minute wait in immigration, and then getting our luggage, and then getting our car, and THEN finding a 7-11 where I finally changed clothes. I was done. I cried, exhausted, from Seattle to Ellensburg. I think Will and I are still a little mad at each other. It was traumatic and even right now the thought of going anywhere or taking him anywhere makes me ill. I've never been happier to be home. Ever.<br />That's the truth.</td></tr>
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But now we are home and what a difference it is making. I think Will loves our house. He roams all over the main floor and plays with trucks and cars and dances and we read books. He loves to go outside and walked on grass for the first time, and my parents brought him a swing. He's sleeping in his own crib in his own room, which is HUGE. We still rock him to sleep before putting him down, but that's okay. It's good bonding time. He took right away to Maren and Jacob. He and the dog are having issues. Mostly territory issues. They'll have to get over it. We still have a long way to go. His institutional behaviors have lessened, his meltdowns are fewer, but we'll be avoiding social situations for a while. His habits of manipulation are coming out now, though, and that's a struggle. We can see how he learned to use certain behaviors to get attention in the orphanage. These could take months-years to unlearn, but I also see he's smart, and quick, and picks up on what works and what doesn't fast. So we're learning how to react, how to re-program this amazing little boy who's been left to parent himself for two years. </div>
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He wants to be loved. We have to show him he can be loved unconditionally. </div>
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Kristahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734014895825429358noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29305443.post-8448697508677810022015-07-28T00:51:00.000-06:002015-07-28T00:51:35.928-06:00Birthday Sweets, Chinese Style<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Clockwise from left: Happiness something Cake, Pineapple Mountain Thingy, Coconut Milk Twist, Chocolate Crunch Roll. Center: Custard Tart.<br />My favorites were the Pineapple Mountain Thingy (not official name) and the tart. :) Yum!</td></tr>
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<br />Kristahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734014895825429358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29305443.post-52897612293979195622015-07-27T23:09:00.000-06:002015-07-27T23:09:55.177-06:00US ConsulateThis morning we finished all of the paperwork and official stuff and Will is ours. Tonight is our last night in Guangzhou. One more night in Hong Kong and we're home. I can't wait. We're all ready to begin "normal" life with Will, I'm ready to see my kids at home, and we're looking forward to proving to Will that his new home is not a 250 sq. ft. 7th-floor hotel room. We celebrated with Hawaiian pizza and a nap. Will ate 2 pieces.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">On our way to the US Consulate.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Guangzhou is pretty much this non-stop. Business buildings topped with high-rise apartments.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The appointment took place during Will's naptime so we were on high-alert for meltdown. He did pretty well! </td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">17 million people need places to live.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Outside the consulate building. Brandon and I were both feeling the nerves. The last hurdle. Plus about 200 eyes were on us for this picture. Our guide cleared a space in the crowds to take this shot.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Kind of cool to spot this Victorian high-rise.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Met this couple from Nevada on our way out. Note the 'Y' cap.<br />We're done! Hooray!</td></tr>
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<br />Kristahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734014895825429358noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29305443.post-77011907912980554402015-07-27T07:18:00.000-06:002015-07-27T07:21:14.932-06:00Number 727<div style="text-align: center;">
Seven-Two-Seven is our room number. It's also today's date. It's also my birthday. So for my day I'm posting some of my favorite shots with Will.</div>
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Happy Birthday to me.</div>
Kristahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734014895825429358noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29305443.post-59019349645346620312015-07-27T04:25:00.000-06:002015-07-27T04:25:35.540-06:00Seeing Guangzhou: Shamian IslandShamian Island used to be the headquarters for all of the European consulates, established in the 1800s, and I think it remained under that purpose until the 1980s. Now the consulates are scattered in the bigger cities (except Poland is still there). All of the adoptions used to take place there, with all of the families staying on the island at the White Pearl hotel, and the children were brought there. Also there is a rare Protestant chapel that holds service on the island. The settlement is very Colonial European in architecture and layout. One side is bordered by a moat and the other is the Pearl River. We ate lunch at a place called Lucy's and did a little shopping. Will had a hard time and I sweated my face off, but I liked going there for a change of pace. Quiet and lush.<br />
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The island is famous for it's bronze statues devoted to family life.</div>
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These two are little buddies. They blink and click and mimic each other. Sweet sweet sweet.</div>
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We finished off with a cold cold drink from Starbuck's. </div>
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I drank two more bottles of water when we got back to the hotel. Whew.</div>
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Can you find Brandon?</div>
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Kristahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734014895825429358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29305443.post-29035177146628563462015-07-26T22:52:00.002-06:002015-07-26T22:53:42.789-06:00Seeing Guangzhou: Open Air Market<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Yesterday, our guide took us to the largest open-air market in Guangzhou. The humidity was a bit high. Like a warm, wet blanket.</div>
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The pet market.</div>
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The spice and medicine market. It smelled great.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yeah, these were alive and squirming.</td></tr>
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The food market.</div>
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Then we turned into a covered supermarket, neighborhood-style.</div>
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Being a cook, this was awesome. Everything looked really fresh and vibrant.</div>
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Next stop: Shamian Island.</div>
Kristahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734014895825429358noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29305443.post-65371210605430475342015-07-25T03:31:00.001-06:002015-07-25T03:31:34.854-06:00Missing HomeToday I'm missing home a bit and remembered I still have beach pictures to post. Things are still progressing with Will as he continues to show attachment. The sun is out today so this morning we went for a walk to Aeon (Walmart-ish) to buy Cheerios, diapers and wipes. Yay for Cheerios! Then we went swimming at the hotel pool. Will was brave about that, and we played in the kiddie pool until he showed signs that he was done. He loved the swim games we played with him, and when Brandon submerged his head under water and came back up, Will watched, then immediately tried the same thing. Oops. I was holding him so I just lifted him up and he gasped and made fish faces, but he didn't cry. And he didn't try to put his face in the water again. :) Since Will slept late this morning after a long night, and I was exhausted from yesterday's trip to Shamian Island, I decided to stay in the room while Will took a nap, and Brandon went ahead and went on the planned outing with the McGee's and our guide. And I've been missing home as I watch a Chinese kids show I can't understand and is a cross between Rainbow Brite, Sailor Moon, Saved by the Bell, and H R Puffnstuff. I'm kind of addicted. So here are some beach pictures...<br />
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WARNING: The following are a set of family mid-air portraits so stunning you will never want to attempt it out of sheer intimidation.</div>
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And with that, I will leave you until the internet gives me bars again. Home in 6 days.</div>
Kristahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734014895825429358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29305443.post-9167985287298830292015-07-23T17:16:00.001-06:002015-07-23T17:20:09.267-06:00Our Little ManHere is part of an email update I sent my family last night:<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', 'Segoe UI', Helvetica, Arial, 'Lucida Grande', sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">"I'm exhausted and so my body's been choosing sleep over posting any updates, and internet is bad whenever I try lately, but I wanted to let you know how we're doing before I drift off to sleep. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', 'Segoe UI', Helvetica, Arial, 'Lucida Grande', sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Today was a good day, considering Will had his med exams and TB blood draw. They poked him 3 different places in both arms! Poor little guy. But we are starting to be able to read him better and head off some triggers before they set off his meltdowns. Sometimes. :) He makes us want to keep getting better at that. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', 'Segoe UI', Helvetica, Arial, 'Lucida Grande', sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">He loves to play and we see it in his expression as he discovers the joy of playing WITH somebody. He's been rejecting Brandon lately but today he did much better. And he's asleep before 1am so WIN. It's 10pm btw. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', 'Segoe UI', Helvetica, Arial, 'Lucida Grande', sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I taught him great grandma A's horsey ride game yesterday and he did it a few times and thought it was great, then toddled off to do something else. But this afternoon with out any warning he walked over, tried to climb on my leg and grabbed both my hands saying "Doo dee dee dee." So he got as much of that as he wanted. I was reading him one of the little books we brought and showed him "baby" on the baby page. I said it a few times. A few minutes later he's walking around with the book open, saying "beebee beebee beebee." He's been refusing milk. The nannies told us he drinks a bottle of milk at night, cold. He hasn't taken it since we got him. I brought pedialyte packets so he's been drinking that (1/2 packet/bottle of water) but we're almost out. But tonight I remembered I packed a small can of sensitive formula, just in case he still took formula. I tried a warm bottle of it and he gulped it down. He couldn't get it fast enough. I'm not sure the nannies know what they're talking about, but maybe he'll sleep better now. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', 'Segoe UI', Helvetica, Arial, 'Lucida Grande', sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">After Will fell asleep tonight, Brandon gave him, then me, a blessing. Will for overcoming his institutional behaviors, and me for my back. That was good. I haven't really seen much of Guangzhou except from the car. It's monsoon season and it's cloudy or rainy all the time so we stay in lots. Brandon ventures out much more since he needs to eat and I haven't been able to (I got a stomach thing on our first day here YAY). We were going to go out to a cool island this afternoon but it was cancelled due to the heavens dumping the contents of their swimming pool on Guangzhou. We'll try again tomorrow, as it is supposed to be nicer. We'll still pack umbrellas. Also, it's about 90* all the time. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', 'Segoe UI', Helvetica, Arial, 'Lucida Grande', sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I'm drifting asleep. So ready to be home. But still, it's WAAAAAYYYYY better than last time we were here.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', 'Segoe UI', Helvetica, Arial, 'Lucida Grande', sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Will has a great giggle."</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', 'Segoe UI', Helvetica, Arial, 'Lucida Grande', sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I wanted to add, for the sake of education, that trauma-babies' institutionalized behaviors--these "meltdowns"-- are different from the usual healthy toddler tantrum. They are a different beast entirely and need to be handled differently. Brandon and I watch, anticipate, and try to prevent any triggers and then try to soften, comfort and ease any potential PTSD reaction that comes. To protect Will, I won't describe what he goes through, but this is why, when we get home, we will be cocooning (basically being very anti-social) as we ease Will into his new safe environment and build up his trust in his surroundings. I also want to add that I'm very hopeful that his meltdown reactions will fade. He wants to trust. He wants to cling to this new life. He is a fighter and I'm so proud of his courage. He is smart and learns what will make him happy very quickly. Sometimes he is like a 12-month-old (like when he eats or walks), but more often he seems much older...there is depth in his eyes and his choices. This is common in institutionalized children, because they've had to learn to parent themselves, but I'd only read about it. Seeing it is amazing. And sad. I recently wrote that there is a difference between "caring for" a child and "nurturing" a child. A child who is "cared for" can still be neglected. A child who is "cared for" can still be abused. An infant is programmed to receive love, facial mirroring, touch, warmth, smell, all those sensory experiences that affect healthy development. In an institution, when they are left alone to "cry it out," day after day after day, their infant minds attempt to fill in the gaps made by neglect. Because they want to survive. Hopefully. And then these PTSD-type behaviors are born. Will was abandoned at 5 day old, as a preemie. And he's a fighter. Strong Will. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', 'Segoe UI', Helvetica, Arial, 'Lucida Grande', sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">It's his turn to be nurtured.</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">First pizza. He LOVED it. Also, China Pizza Hut is a lot better than US Pizza Hut. </td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Crashed.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">He was determined to eat with that toddler knife. He was not successful.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our room is tiny. He pushed this stroller from the door to the window for about half an hour.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sharing dried blueberries. He would feed me and I'd feed him. And then every once in a while he'd go to feed me, and then quickly pop it in his mouth and we would laugh and laugh.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Brandon blew bubbles during Will's bath and since his skin was wet, the bubbles stuck all over, including his hair.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">During the rain dump we were directed to a little playroom in the hotel. Of course, he found the cars.</td></tr>
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We have some fun videos but they won't load here. I'll keep trying. </div>
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This is hard. But it's one of those hard things that you dig in and hold on with both hands because the highs totally outweigh the lows, and it all means something.</div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', 'Segoe UI', Helvetica, Arial, 'Lucida Grande', sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span>Kristahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734014895825429358noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29305443.post-27576966832231152132015-07-21T00:41:00.000-06:002015-07-21T00:42:23.162-06:00Getting to Know Each Other: Day One<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">He loves to dance. He's got moves.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cars are his favorite. "Coo coo."</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">He absolutely loved his bath. Kick kick kick splash.</td></tr>
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Will is very playful and expressive. He communicates with us really well. It's not all smooth, but he is reaching for us and coming to us with his needs and that's huge. This last photo above is just before a really hard, really long end-of-day meltdown, but we just did our best to comfort him and reassure him. It had been an exhausting day and when he finally gave up the fight, he slept all night until 8:20 am. We all needed that. When he woke up this morning he was happy to see us and reached for us. I really needed that. We've been back to the office today and signed papers making him ours. It felt really really good. I'm sure the meltdowns will happen again, but we'll work through it. His world has just been turned upside-down. We love him. We just do.Kristahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734014895825429358noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29305443.post-222573473802951212015-07-21T00:16:00.000-06:002015-07-21T00:17:04.642-06:00China: Getting Here and Gotcha DayWe've been struggling to get wifi and access to blocked sites (including this one) but I got through (for now) so I'll hurry and post pics. We are here in China and we have Will! He is ours!<br />
Okay so pics aren't loading. I'll have to try again later.<br />
We are in Guangzhou after a 20 hour flight (including a 2 hour layover in Shanghai that turned into a 4 hour delay, 3 of those hours sitting in the plane at 1am). We arrived at The Garden hotel in Guangzhou at about 4am and our room is comfortable and nice. We were able to sleep a few hours before meeting our guide and the other GWCA family the next morning. We were able to connect with the McGee family from Alabama on Facebook just before our trip. They're also an older couple with older bio kids and this is their second trip to Guangzhou to adopt in a year so it's been great having them along with us. We have pictures and video and I see that I now have three bars so I'll try the pics...<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Home sweet home.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lobby.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We peeked through the curtain before they brought him out.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is one of his nannies. She was very proud of him, I could tell. He did so well. My heart was pounding and he cried when the nanny left, but he did so well.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">After the nanny left he reached for Brandon, and cried for a bit. This moment was so sweet.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Things improved a lot after all the nannies left and he could focus on us.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4_VFoNhz3SU/Va3jBzw32lI/AAAAAAAAGLQ/m-YklHYA7XY/s1600/DSCN1597.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4_VFoNhz3SU/Va3jBzw32lI/AAAAAAAAGLQ/m-YklHYA7XY/s320/DSCN1597.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">He loves cars. He loves cars. "Coo coo, ooOOOOoooo!" Off we go to the hotel to get to know each other. Whew!</td></tr>
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<br />Kristahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734014895825429358noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29305443.post-36783919005758070612015-07-17T23:50:00.000-06:002015-07-17T23:50:15.449-06:00Days One, Two, and Three at the BeachWe did it! We squeezed in the beach trip we planned with my sister way back before we knew we were going back to China, and definitely before we knew WHEN we were going back to China. And it was good. It was good to not be making lists and checking lists and stressing about lists. We prepped for both trips before we left for Pacific City, so we came home to a clean house, a freezer full of meals, and 1/3 of the luggage packed. China, here we come! I'll just leave a few pictures of beachy-ness here for your perusal. These are the first three days. I'll do the rest tomorrow because it's late. And yes, this Oregon beach town is the setting for "Of Grace and Chocolate," my first published novel. It's pretty special to me. This family is pretty special to me.<br />
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Good night, little beach town.</div>
Kristahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734014895825429358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29305443.post-16531308597200382452015-06-26T21:07:00.000-06:002015-06-26T21:07:11.771-06:00An Update on Will!Over six weeks ago we requested an update on Will from his orphanage and it finally came today! That was a really REALLY long wait and I'll be honest, my imagination wasn't helping things at all. But it came and he looks good! We also now know his sizes and about where he is developmentally, which is a HUGE help in prepping to bring him home. He'll definitely be in 18 month clothes, size 4 shoes, and size 3 diapers. I guessed right. And surprise: He's walking on his own now! Really, July 20th can't come soon enough.<br />
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But we have so much to do still! The family room table is covered with my lists. Packing lists. Grocery lists. To Do lists. Things that are Left lists. On Wednesday I packed Will's suit case. Last night I organized (with paperclips and sticky note labels) all of our adoption documents that travel with us into an accordion file folder. I'm making crockpot freezer meals ahead of time. And we need to keep on top of the regular summer stuff, too. Like how our car needed new breaks (gulp), Maren had girls camp, Jacob is looking for work, the 4th of July is coming up, and after five years, we're wedging in a family vacation with my sister at the beach! Plus, I'm trying to write a new story. Bonkers. But the time should definitely fly.<br />
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Enough about that. Here are some new pics of Will. In studying, I read that the Chinese really bundle up their children, even in Summer, and you need to prepare to ease them into fewer layers, but that doesn't seem to be the case with Will. He looks comfy. In Guangzhou, days will be in the 90s and wet with rain and humidity. Kind of like when we went to Costa Rica with Brandon's Spanish students. We'll pack umbrellas and hats and good shoes, not sandals. The streets are too filthy for open feet. That's kind of sad, but oh well. A friend is loaning us their Ergobaby soft carrier for when we explore. I'm so curious to find out what Will will think of it all. I'm arming myself with loads of compassion. And dum dum suckers, as urged by others who have gone before us.<br />
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We're ready to smooch those cheeks.</div>
Kristahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734014895825429358noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29305443.post-57759242651023536432015-06-23T13:46:00.000-06:002015-06-23T15:36:41.505-06:00We Are Going to China! Again!<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>T.A.!</b></span><br />
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We have our Travel Approval and it looks like our Gotcha date is July 20, and our appointment at the American Consulate in Guangzhou is July 28. We are this very minute working out flight itineraries! It's going to feel like an eternity, but we have lots going on between now and then, so at least we'll be busy! We honestly can't wait.<br />
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This trip will be different in a lot of ways. There is the obvious difference: XinQin. I still think about her and she is in my prayers. I imagine her with her "take no prisoners" attitude in the orphanage, but I also remember her crying and being scared. She was scared, and misled, and angry, and didn't have the tools to deal with those emotions. She's where she wants to be, in China. A child's scope can be so narrow. But I truly hope she feels comforted in her choice. I wouldn't wish regret on anyone. Especially a young girl. Again, I tell myself, a disruption like ours rarely happens. But it did. When we lost Kate, our baby girl, it was to a genetic anomaly that rarely happens. But it did. 1 in 12,000. Someone has to be the one. So we figure out how to grow from it. How to redraw our limits. Because the possibility is to come out stronger. I hope we're stronger.<br />
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Because we're going to get Will. We are skipping the tour of Beijing this time and will go right to his province, which happens to be Guangzhou, where the Consulate is. No flying from province to province. We'll be in the same hotel with the same guide the whole time. We'll have doctor appointments, visa appointments, all kinds of appointments, and planned outings to explore the area. We'll be able to spend the whole time getting to understand and know our son, and hopefully building the foundations of trust with him. After all, we will be strangers to him.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6EwKFb0lBl4/VYm21nShKZI/AAAAAAAAGDk/ZY50ImAuGVY/s1600/IMG_2545.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6EwKFb0lBl4/VYm21nShKZI/AAAAAAAAGDk/ZY50ImAuGVY/s320/IMG_2545.JPG" width="238" /></a>I think of my granddaughter, Carly, and how comfortable she is in her little apartment with her little routine, how much she loves her parents and gets so excited to see them after a brief separation. She has her favorites and her dislikes and her friends. I consider how it would be if a strange, though well-intentioned couple suddenly showed up and her caregivers handed her over for good. Knowing Carly, she would be disoriented, sad, angry, and might refuse food, touch, play, and sleep. She would not give in easily. And though she is so young, it would change her a bit.<br />
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<a href="http://www.nohandsbutours.com/2015/06/23/going-backward-to-move-forward-a-dads-perspective-on-attachment-challenges/">Here is an excellent look at what this kind of transition can mean to an adopting family</a>, from the perspective of the dad. So there will be some major adjusting. I like how this father says this is a marathon, not a sprint. I also like how playful interaction can go a long way in reaching these children who have very basically grown to rely on themselves for comfort and assurance. They need to <i>learn </i>to be dependent on someone else, and that is often the cause of attachment issues. Not all families experience this. But, as we know first-hand, we have to accept the possibility and prepare. But Will is already a blessing to us. He is already a hero to me. He has already braved life. He will have to brave more. So much more. And I want to be the one sharing his tears and triumphs. We want to be the ones giving him the opportunity to love and be loved like only a family can.<br />
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Will will have his 2nd birthday before we get there. I will have my 45th birthday while we are in China. We'll have to celebrate. I'm thinking balloons...<br />
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And Chinese food.<br />
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We are coming, little guy. Ready or not, our lives are going to change. Again.</div>
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<br />Kristahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734014895825429358noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29305443.post-16281365338562724182015-06-21T17:01:00.003-06:002015-06-21T17:01:25.602-06:00Father's Day Hike to Glacier LakeYesterday we took the kids to a trail near Packwood, a tiny town on the border of Mt. Rainier National Park. The weather was perfect, the hike was gorgeous, and we had a lot of fun. It took about four and a half hours. When we finished, peanut butter sandwiches never tasted so good. And water. Lots of water. Most importantly, Brandon had a really great time. I love seeing him relaxed and smiling, and I love living in this beautiful place. Happy Father's Day! Let's do it again!<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Thank you, mountain!</td></tr>
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<br />Kristahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734014895825429358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29305443.post-22154894937072935552015-06-15T02:36:00.000-06:002015-06-15T02:36:10.005-06:00Blankets, Books, and Time<div style="text-align: center;">
This happened on Twitter.</div>
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Define "soon."</div>
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In the Lord's time. Right? Isn't that what I've been learning? In the Lord's time. What about cookie time...? </div>
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While we wait for Travel Approval (which, by the looks of things <i>should </i>come this week) I've been busy. And I hesitate to share. Because part of me says, "Wait, because it might fall through. Wait, because last time you shared everything and it fell apart. Wait, because it's a risk. It's all such a risk."<br />
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But I made these things and I'm filling time and I'm preparing anyway. It's that whole "try" thing. I have to try. Again. So here we go again. And we're so close. And I want to give people hope. People who might have had things fall through. People who might be afraid to try again. People who are praying for us.</div>
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So I'll share.</div>
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I searched high and low for a baby book for adoptive families. I found very few, but I really like <a href="http://www.amazon.com/My-Family-Journey-Adoptive-Families/dp/0811857379/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1434353396&sr=8-1&keywords=baby+book+for+adoptive+families">this one</a>. I'm eager to start filling it in for Will, but I can't bring myself to start it until we have him in China. Until the papers are signed and he's ours.</div>
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But I can't wait to fill it in. All of our kids have a baby book. I at least did that.</div>
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I finally made a crib quilt. All the other kids had so many blankets and quilts. Will has three. So I made him this and I'm working on another, because who doesn't like soft comfy blankies?</div>
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I had a coupon for a free photo book from Shutterfly. So I gathered some pics and made one for Will. We'll take it to China and look through it and hopefully get him used to seeing our faces. Again, I made one of these for XinQin, so it's kind of hard to share it, but it's a sweet little book. </div>
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It makes me smile.</div>
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Many people might say we are almost there. We are almost to the finish.</div>
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But I know better. </div>
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We will be strangers to Will. We look different, we smell different, we sound different. People who have cared for him, who he has seen every day, who have fed him and put him to bed will be handing him over to us. He will, naturally, not be sure of us. We don't plan on getting much sleep. We do plan on comforting him and showing him he can trust us to be good to him, to feed him, to love him. To make him smile. To play. </div>
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To not leave him alone.</div>
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His little body will need to adjust to our food, our drink, our medicine. Our time zone.</div>
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These are not things I worry about. Much. He is very young, and in that way, time is on our side.</div>
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But when people say we are almost to the finish, I know better.</div>
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We are almost to the starting line.</div>
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So come on, Starting Line.</div>
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Get here already.</div>
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(in the Lord's time, of course)</div>
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Oh please, oh please.</div>
Kristahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734014895825429358noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29305443.post-25639185250123959792015-06-05T19:55:00.000-06:002015-06-05T20:08:33.370-06:00Our Garden<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I love our house. It has quirks, like the 11" tall lazy river-flushing toilets that we are replacing one by one, and the questionable duct work for the dryer under the house so that we have to use a small water-filled lint-trap that sits on top of the dryer until we can fix it. And the "in-house vacuum system" that doesn't seem to do anything but take up a corner of our garage. And the state of the house when we moved in was . . . kind of gross. The showers had such heavy hard-water buildup they reminded me of some of the mineral geysers at Yellowstone. And we have a water-softener so . . .? My mom and sister spent TWO DAYS on the kitchen when we moved in. And guys? It's a little kitchen. The carpet has some stains, and buckles in the upstairs hallway. And for some reason which remains a mystery, the kids' bathroom door smelled like an old cinnamon bear.<br />
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But with a lot of elbow grease and help from my parents and sister, we've scrubbed out the layers of age and neglect. Some of the improvements have to wait until we come back from the adoption, but that's okay. Because I love our house. We've lived here for almost two years now and I love waking up here. Especially in the spring, summer, and fall. I love it when Brandon opens the bedroom curtains and our slider door to let in fresh morning air and sunshine. A dozen birds are singing in our trees and the leaves of the birch trees dance and play in our view. I love the green front door. I love the yellow walls in most of the house, and I love the light that comes in from the tall windows in almost every room. I love that our TV room is small and our family room is big. I love that I have a staircase with a wall to display family pictures as it winds up. I've never had that before. And though our kitchen is small, it's cheerful and cozy, and I do have plans for updating it someday, but it's a good size for me. It takes minutes to clean and I don't cringe thinking of the back pain I might have afterward. The house has a front "formal dining room" with a bay window. We don't need a formal dining room. But it works pretty well as a library and piano room. And maybe a little writing desk?<br />
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So the house has its quirks. But it came with gardens. Gardens I've only dreamed of. Gardens I missed in Wyoming's harsh climate. So while I love the character of our house, if I'm honest, the gardens are what sold it. The brick and ivy. The mature trees. The arbors. In the warm seasons, this is my writing room.<br />
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I feel so blessed to call this home.<br />
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<br />Kristahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03734014895825429358noreply@blogger.com0