Our Garden

I love our house. It has quirks, like the 11" tall lazy river-flushing toilets that we are replacing one by one, and the questionable duct work for the dryer under the house so that we have to use a small water-filled lint-trap that sits on top of the dryer until we can fix it. And the "in-house vacuum system" that doesn't seem to do anything but take up a corner of our garage. And the state of the house when we moved in was . . . kind of gross. The showers had such heavy hard-water buildup they reminded me of some of the mineral geysers at Yellowstone. And we have a water-softener so . . .? My mom and sister spent TWO DAYS on the kitchen when we moved in. And guys? It's a little kitchen. The carpet has some stains, and buckles in the upstairs hallway. And for some reason which remains a mystery, the kids' bathroom door smelled like an old cinnamon bear.

But with a lot of elbow grease and help from my parents and sister, we've scrubbed out the layers of age and neglect. Some of the improvements have to wait until we come back from the adoption, but that's okay. Because I love our house. We've lived here for almost two years now and I love waking up here. Especially in the spring, summer, and fall. I love it when Brandon opens the bedroom curtains and our slider door to let in fresh morning air and sunshine. A dozen birds are singing in our trees and the leaves of the birch trees dance and play in our view. I love the green front door. I love the yellow walls in most of the house, and I love the light that comes in from the tall windows in almost every room. I love that our TV room is small and our family room is big. I love that I have a staircase with a wall to display family pictures as it winds up. I've never had that before. And though our kitchen is small, it's cheerful and cozy, and I do have plans for updating it someday, but it's a good size for me. It takes minutes to clean and I don't cringe thinking of the back pain I might have afterward. The house has a front "formal dining room" with a bay window. We don't need a formal dining room. But it works pretty well as a library and piano room. And maybe a little writing desk?

So the house has its quirks. But it came with gardens. Gardens I've only dreamed of. Gardens I missed in Wyoming's harsh climate. So while I love the character of our house, if I'm honest, the gardens are what sold it. The brick and ivy. The mature trees. The arbors. In the warm seasons, this is my writing room.

I feel so blessed to call this home.

Adoption Update: Home Study

As I mentioned in my last post, after Braeden left to begin his LDS mission at the Provo MTC, we turned our efforts toward our home study for the adoption. This felt like a huge event, and in adoption it is very big. But because we'd had to put off our home study until after the move (it's usually one of the first things you get going on in the adoption process, but it must be done in the place you will be residing when you bring the child home) and then there is a "second gathering" of all the things we were already gathering for our adoption agency, GWCA (out of Texas), but now it was for the home study agency (here in Sumner, Washington), and a lot in the "gathering" requirements were different and added upon, it seemed huge-er. That was a long sentence. Throw in the grandbaby, the holidays, and the mission, not to mention I have two (somewhat) adjusted children with lives and a husband and "regular" things, and we could finally schedule the actual home study visit. And it was scheduled the weekend after getting Braeden off.

So, we attacked most of the remaining boxes still waiting for attention from the move. We cleaned and organized and made Goodwill piles and I did the one decorating thing I was determined to do before the visit.

I put our family pictures up on the stairway wall.

I've never had a stairway wall, or really a hallway, to put pictures up. They were up in different rooms in the house, but not like this. I love it. I left spaces for pictures of Sara and Carly, and a couple more collage frames. Everyone said it made the house feel like it belonged to us. Yay!

Bill, our social worker, came over Saturday afternoon. He asked questions and counseled us. We discussed behaviors, expectations, family and parenting strategies, finances, safety and transition. Brandon and I had each already filled out and submitted a 22 page autobiography form, so he had studied that before he came. He was really great. Down to earth and easy to talk to. He interviewed us as a couple and then the whole family, and then just the kids. Then us again. Then we took him on a tour of the whole house. We had worked right through dinner time until 8:30, so by the time he left we were all starving. I don't even remember what I threw together. Sandwiches? Anyway, the first part of the visit was done and the discussion had brought it home to all of us that this was real and it was happening. I was excited and anxious, but also felt like our little family was pretty great. Not perfect, not unblemished, but pretty great. We were all wiped out.
The next morning he arrived at 8:00 am for the rest of the visit. We'd let him know we had church at 11:30 so an early morning was necessary, so he could drive back to Sumner and be home before the Seahawks/49ers game. We live in Seahawks land now. So Brandon and I divided up and had our individual interviews with Bill. That was about an hour each.
His last question to me was, "What are you looking forward to most in this adoption?"
As I thought about it, I got emotional for the first time during the whole visit. "I think getting to know her, watching her experience new things, and my hope is that we can help her feel that she's a member of a family. That she wasn't just . . . left." I guess I meant that I hope we can teach her what her true value is.

I think if we all realized what our true value is in this life and beyond, there would be a lot less pain and sadness in this world. Some of us are born into families who give us that. Some of us aren't. The happy thing is, it can be shared. And received. Sometimes that takes a lot of work and sacrifice and love.

I have another big stack of documents and forms waiting to go out today. With the home study nearly complete (they are still waiting on some criminal clearances and this stack of papers) they can submit the I-800A Form, the Application for Determination of Suitability to Adopt a Child from a Convention Country. That's another big one. Then we gather up the remaining items for our Dossier (Home Study report, family pictures, more passport photos, our medical reports, another chunk of the contract fee, a couple Chuck E. Cheese tokens and a fistful of confetti).

(Not really those last two.)

I've filled out more forms in the last year than in all of my life combined.

I almost forgot to add that my sister directed me to a friend of hers who just adopted a 13 year old boy from China, and her blog has been a tremendous help in answering questions I didn't know I had, and she does a great job of sharing a real experience in adopting an older child. I loved the detail of their trip to China, I love that she shares the ups AND downs. I read her entire blog up-to-date in two days. I'm thankful for her accounts. Find her family's story here.

Wo men kuai dao la. 
We'll be there soon.

Home Lights

Downtown Cody Lights 1/22/07

listen to: Home

I was driving the kids home from my brother-in-law's house tonight, a long fairly straight road that climbs 2000 ft. so gradually you hardly notice. During the day we see golden eagles, hawks, wild horses, and antelope. At night I keep a watch for deer, rabbits, and owls, although the rabbits don't really have a chance if they choose to run out there in the road. I really think they are just hopping along, wondering, "I know there was a road here somewhere. Where did it go?" Then, my headlights shine, and they exclaim, "Oh! There it is!" and scamper across. Sad little bunnies.
But, back to my story. We had spent a fun afternoon there, and although it was only 7:30, the kids were spent, and asleep. I had on some nice Kenneth Cope music, loud enough to keep me awake, but soft enough not to wake the kids. So, my eyes are watching out for deer, my brain is trying to remember to turn off my brights when the occasional oncoming car comes along, and I am thinking about this coming week, making to-do lists. Then, we crested a hill, after an hour on the road, and laid out before me was a lovely sight. So, I wrote this poem in that notebook in my head.

When the highway lies before me,
Whether far or near I roam,
My heart lets out a sigh
When I see the lights of home.

Though grand may be my travels,
Or just rambling along,
My heart beats gently faster
When I see the lights of home.

Whether for one day,
Or weeks that I've been gone,
I cannot help but smile
When I see the lights of home.

And when, on life's adventure
The veil's been withdrawn,
Oh! What a sight to see
The shining lights of home.



Gosh, I hope the bunnies feel that way.

Those Who Put Your Heart At Ease

Don't flatter yourself that friendship authorizes you to say disagreeable things to your intimates. The nearer you come into relation with a person, the more necessary do tact and courtesy become. Except in cases of necessity, which are rare, leave your friend to learn unpleasant things from his enemies; they are ready enough to tell them. -Oliver Wendell Holmes

Why is it that we are so much more careful with strangers and friends, than we are with our own family? Is it because our family must love us, and will love us, despite nearly anything we do, and with friends and acquaintances we do not have that luxury, that amazing quality that lasts a lifetime and beyond? Shouldn't that quality alone compel us to revere our family? Or, because we are so intimately familiar with one another, so tied in memories, good and bad, with both triumphs and grudges, we expect our family to just take what we say or do and swallow it, whereas we would be so much more careful with those who don't know us so well, those who would judge more harshly. It is a human struggle. I am guilty of it.
My friend was sharing an experience about answering the door to some women who were proselyting. They asked her what she considered the most dire circumstance, the greatest danger to the world today. She thought a moment, and then answered, "The breakdown and corruption of the family." The women were speechless and just stood there blinking. She guessed they expected her to say wars, the lack of Christian faith, or our world leaders, etc. But her simple answer holds truth. A family is the basic unit of the human race. It is where we come from; it is how we continue. If the family breaks down, becomes disconnected, dissolved, misplaced, disregarded, what does that say about us as a race? Isn't that more crucial than, say, global warming? The planet will still be a planet, but in what state will we be?
"Indeed, nothing is more critically connected to happiness—both our own and that of our children—than how well we love and support one another within the family." M. Russell Ballard
It starts at home, and it starts with us.

Love Is A Verb

A friend taught me once about how we can connect more directly with our children by observing how they show their love, and in turn, respond to them in the same way. For example, if a child brings us pictures they have drawn, pretty rocks they have found, a feather, a stuffed animal, it is their way of showing love. It is important to them to have a tactile symbol to represent that affection. So we, in turn, might do the same to them: a valentine, a picture of the 2 of you, a letter expressing their importance to you, a seashell or pressed flower as a reminder of a special day. Another example is a child who talks to you, sharing his day, follows you around the house, wants you to stay a bit longer by his bed at night, lingers at the door as you leave, asks you to stay to help with homework, although not much help is needed. The optimum response to this child is your time, conversation, listening, taking walks, singing a song or working on a project together, taking the long way home. Then there is the child who gives big bear hugs, tackles, pats your hand as he walks by, hangs on your arm, gets SO close to your face with a big grin, smells your arm and sighs. His appreciation for a physical show of affection is apparent, so tousle his hair, squeeze him back, race him, hold his face in your hands and look him in the eye and tell him he is awesome, hold him when he is sad. A child that expresses her feelings verbally and often, asking for your opinion and summing up observations, drawing conclusions and sharing ideas, leaves herself open to praise or criticism, but expects and needs feedback. Listening and responding, verbally, is a show of love this child understands best, and needs most often, "You look so pretty!", "You did a wonderful job helping your sister.", "Let's talk about it and work it out.", "I love you, more each day." There are more examples; a child who does acts of service, little shows of effort, time, or energy. One who creates for others, in art, writing, or music. One who takes on the interests of others to learn and enjoy and share back again. Think of the children you know, or even the adults, and I bet you can put them near, if not completely into, these categories. In raising 4 children, 4 individual children, I have found this study to be really helpful, when I remember it, in reaching my children and responding to their needs, in letting them know I love them. Of course their shows of love and affection are not confined to one category, and my responses are not only in that one corresponding way, but there is a definite area, verbal, time spent, physical, tactile representation, where they can be reached more readily, when I remember who they are, and how they express themselves. Of course, I fail many times, but sometimes, my friend's ideas come back to me and I can go and try again, applying this knowledge about these unique spirits under my care, and it works. It does. Keep in mind, I also fall into one of these categories, as does my husband, and so, we have to step outside of ourselves to reach each other. Being a family is not about "me". It is about "what I can do to help you feel loved and safe". If everyone is doing that, then we don't have to worry about "me". Not at home.

Living Here

It has been one year and 2 months since we have moved to Cody, Wyoming. I thought it would be good to make a list of the things I love about this area, and perhaps a few of the things I have had to get used to. We will start with the things I love about Cody.
1. NO traffic. Even in the busy tourist months, you just can't get frustrated with the RV's and motorcycles.
2. The energetic atmosphere. People of Cody LOVE to live here. They are excited. There is always something happening, any time of the year, to celebrate being here.
3. The sky. So many stars at night, the Milky Way arching over us. I have never seen so many varying kinds of clouds, sunsets, storms. And most of winter, when it is c-c-c-cold, it is still brilliant blue, with sun bouncing off the white snow in the mountains, on the ground, and on the trees.
4. So much natural, rugged beauty to take in. Whether going for a walk around the block, or a day trip down the Southfork, I can just look and look. And then there is Yellowstone next door.
5. The schools. The kids love their schools! They have never been so involved, never had so many opportunities to discover their talents for learning. And gang activity is not an issue, as it has been in every other place we have lived.
6. It is a small town (pop. 8000), but doesn't feel so small. I would never have thought a town this small would have 3 Mexican restaurants, Italian, Chinese, and Japanese sushi, a BBQ place, 3 steak houses, 4 deli-type places, not to mention Pizza Hut, Dominos, and a local pizza place, Quiznos, Subway, McD's, BK, DQ, Wendy's, Taco Bell, KFC, Taco Johns, Granny's, coffee shops, etc. We have a Super Walmart and Albertson's, and an historical Main Street full of fun shops with everything from clothing to candy, to art (there are like 6 galleries), to home decor, to books and toys, to souvenirs, to western shootouts in the Summer. A world class museum, auditorium and theater, 2 dance studios, 2 movie theaters (although one is historic, but updated, with only one screen), and lots of touristy things to do and see. River rafting guides, fly fishing guides, rock climbing guides, hunting guides...
7. The slower pace. Not much "keeping up with the Jones's" here. You are respected for doing your best with what you have, and a lot of people do.
8. The summer temperatures of 85 degrees, average. Aaaahhhhh.
9. The history. Pretty fun living in THE Wild West.
10. The topography. The mountains that surround us are gorgeous and every one unique. My favorites: The Carters to the south, especially with snow and sun, Sunlight Basin to the Beartooths, NW, especially in early Summer, and Heart Mtn., directly to the North, just across the Shoshone river, in plain view from our street. We may not have fruited plains, but we have mountains' majesty.

Now some things we are getting used to:
1. Deer in town. This is not a bad thing, we just have to keep and eye out. It is pretty cool to have a 5 point buck cross the street in front of you. Or pull in to your friend's driveway and notice from your tail lights that there are 20 deer on her neighbor's lawn. Or know that as you leave the rec. center the road crosses a deer highway, so you figure you will see some. Or when you come out of the movie theater you must be careful backing out of your parking spot, you never know.
2. People complaining about Summer traffic. Haha. Guy, go to Seattle. Or Utah.
3. Keeping kids' faces and hands warm in teen degree weather. This is a job.
4. Halloween. No pumpkins on the porch... they turn to mush. No trick-or-treating in neighborhoods. Everyone starts at 5 p.m. on Main Street, to all the businesses, so you see everyone, get done before your nose falls off (whether it is real or fake) from the freezing temperatures, and go home to hot cocoa or cider, soup, and pumpkin donuts. Mmmmm.
5. Gardening. It is a trick. I learned a lot this year. I will miss growing lavender and dogwood trees. But Russian sage and crabapple trees do well, so I have switched. Which leads me to...
6. Paying 1.29/lb. for apples. How I miss the .39/lb. fujis in Walla Walla, WA, right from the orchard!
7. The smoking. A lot of cigarette smoke. People, c'mon. We are living in the "Wild West", not the "Old West". We know things now, like how that can kill you in some of the the worst ways possible. And it smells.
8. It is far away from my family. But we have made the trip a few times, and it is not so bad. The drive through Montana and northern Idaho is beautiful. And, if we leave at 8 am, we get there at 6 pm, which is not too shabby.

O.K., I don't have 10 of those. We do love it here and encourage visitors! We can't wait for my parents to come here this week. Fall is a great time to come, and I am hoping my Mom will get to see a Grizzly Bear in Yellowstone.
Hooray for Cody!

pictures: (top to bottom) "Sky after PowWow", "Waiting for city fireworks at church", "Rainbow on Cedar Mtn.", "Snow Halloween morning", "High wind clouds at dusk", "Sunset over Yellowstone Gateway", "Heart Mtn. in June"

A NEW PHASE

Ah, the first day of school. I was pretty excited. I had made the kids' lunches last night so the morning would go a bit more smoothly. As I put out 2 more pieces of bread for Maren's sandwich, 2 more pieces than I have for the last 3 years, I got a lump in my throat. It had suddenly occurred to me that nobody would be eating lunch with me anymore. That's all. I got teary, and Brandon chuckled sympathetically and invited me to eat with him at the high school anytime I wanted. But the lunches were made. I drew a heart on Maren's napkin, and a happy face on Chelsea's. I think the boys are done with that kind of thing, but I should ask. I took the younger kids to school and of course walked Maren to her first day of all-day kindergarten. It was a little rough, but we called Daddy and he came over and she got brave. Yea, Dad! She will be fine. So will I. It is very quiet. Well, except for the dishwasher. And the washing machine. And the dryer. I have cleaned the kitchen from the morning chaos, picked up the clutter, and switched over the contents of my old purse into a newer one. I have signed up to help in Maren's class on Thursdays, and at the Middle School in the library a couple of other days a week, something I have never been able to do. A thoughtful friend called to see how I was faring. I am going to be painting some furniture and getting the basement ready for the construction crew coming to finish it late Fall, and organizing the garage as the weather cools. There is plenty to do, and I do have some girlfriends to eat lunch with occasionally. I will probably call my Mom more often than I have been calling her, and of course, at 3:30 I will be running around to piano, dance, choir, scouts, tennis, football, and whatever else comes our way. I may even pick up a brush and start watercolors again. Do I dare try oils...?

EMERGENCE

It is finally here... Spring. I feel like Cody, WY has been in a cocoon. A snowcovered, quiet, protected cocoon, and now it is happening: The emergence. The signs were small at first. Kids could be seen outside, riding bikes, running to a friend's house, ok, building snowmen. Then we heard the birds! One morning, waking up. "Ah! Do you hear the birds?!" They sounded SO good. Like heralds assuring our hopes. Some daffodills speared their way through the cold to brighten up the white and brown surroundings. Then a few days before Easter we had a "small" blizzard with 2 feet of snow, followed by brilliant blue skies, snowball fights, and sunburned faces. The snow melted and greened everything up. Willows around town began to leaf out in that color called "spring green". The deer appeared again on the streets of our town, and the antelope could be spotted again off the highways. Yet, I heeded the warnings that this was not it, and I had noticed no tulips blooms or tree blossoms. Sure enough, we woke up to 4 more inches of snow 2 weeks ago. But again, the sun came out and warmed everything up and deepened the pale green. A rabbit hopped across our street. So, in just the last few days, with 70 degree weather, I have delighted in seeing flowering plum, cherry, crabapple, lilac buds, tulips, the greening of the hills and mountains. I have taken a class on how to garden in Cody (it was a short class, haha) and have made my designs and budget. In the warm sunshine I have stomped on my shovel, turned up warming earth, pulled up sod and planted a tree, 3 shrubs, 2 small plants, 7 bulbs, and wiped my forehead with the back of a muddy glove. I have a farmers tan, and a red nose. The kids threw on their swimsuits, grabbed their water guns and squealed. Brandon spread the lawn with fertilizer and we took a walk hand in hand around the neighborhood, picking up landscaping ideas along the way. Of course, the laundry was late getting done, and the fridge needs to be cleaned out, and I didn't check my email for 4 days, but how can I resist the desire to go to the window and feel the sun, open the door and step outside, breathe the fresh air deeply, return the greetings from neighbors out doing the same thing, search for what can be next on my gardening to-do list, and work my muscles to exhaustion, preparing my own plot to resemble a fraction of that first garden, Eden? Welcome, Spring. We're so glad you've come.

SOLD

We sold the house! We sold our house in Washington! Hooray! After 10 months!

Things I have learned:

1. Patience is a virtue, and I am impatient with the amount of patience I have.
2. If a home buyer can't get the financing because he isn't a U.S. citizen, he can't get the financing the second try, either.
3. Co-signers to a non-U.S citizen's loan can suddenly decide they want to buy a "vacation home" in Portland, OR, and not be co-signers anymore.
4. Always ask if the homebuyer is a U.S. citizen with traceable income.
5. Always ask for daily rent money up front, not at closing. It may not come to closing.
   
6. Hire a realtor who knows Real Estate legalities, not simply because he/she is a people-person.
7. Forgive.
8. Referring to your 2nd mortgage as your "vacation home" will get a chuckle or two.
9. "Timing is in the hands of Higher Authority", I thought, as the bank called to remind us the bridge loan is due in 2 days.
   
10. A weight carried for so long is not easily forgotten, even after it is gone, which may be a good thing.
11. Jumping up and down and giving group hugs after losing a hard-fought volleyball game because you announced you closed on the house today creates fast friends.
12. More people are pulling for you than you realize.

Thank you everyone pulling for us. Woohoo!!!!!

BOY, noun: a noise with dirt on it.

We spent Sunday afternoon at my brother-in-law's because my nephew, Wyatt, was baptized. They have 5 boys, and their mother, Erica, showed me this definition. Perfect. Just as a comparison and contrast, I walked past the bathroom the other day and about keeled over dead from the smell. The door was open, the light was on, and the fan had not been turned on. I asked who did this out loud, and the answer was "One of the boys". I turned the fan on, sprayed some air freshener, and closed the door, wondering, but not really, whether they had washed their hands. The very next morning as I was in the shower, I hear a little knock on the door. Maren asked if she could come in and use the bathroom. I told her she could. A minute passed and I hear, "Oh, sorry, Mom, its a little stinky in here, so you better plug your nose." I didn't smell a thing. Then she flushes, washes her hands and says, "I'll turn the fan on for ya! Have a nice shower!", and closes the door. I was laughing and shaking my head at the difference.

"Boys are God's way of letting you know your house is too organized"

I spent last week and yesterday putting together the boys' room and a set of bunkbeds. Brandon was out of town, so I just dug in and built stuff. I love to construct things, so I was excited. I believe I get it from my Dad, the engineer. Show me a set of instructions and a box of parts and, heart pounding, I can't get started fast enough. Anyway, back to the boys. Ages 8 and 11, they are paper and rock collecting, busting to get outside, dirty clothes on the floor right next to the laundry basket throwing, can't find my shoes yelling, haircut and shower avoiding, holes in their socks and knees required, please, please change your underwear men, with a tiny toy fascination. OH, how I love them! So, I organized shelves with baskets of all sizes for the treasures, rows of books for them to read and then find a week later at the bottom of their bed, a huge jar to show off their sea shells and rocks, a hamper full of beloved stuffed animals they are too old to have on their bed, but too young to part with, and a desk with adequate lighting so they can pile their papers and not have room to do their homework. An over-the-door shoe organizer holds Star Wars and Bionicle figures, and Jacob's side of the closet has a low-hanging bar he can just toss his shirts over, because hangers are beyond him. I will get them some hooks for their robes and a bulletin board for the papers and pictures, and we have ordered an air purifier for Braeden's ease of breathing down in the dusty basement. And they are so excited, I bet they keep it clean a whole afternoon!

WHEN I GROW UP...

I have chosen a "profession" for which I have received some scrutiny, some praise, and some flabbergastment. When I was small, my Mom would tell me, "Honey, you can be anything you want. You could be a nurse, or even a doctor. You could go to dental school." I would listen as I sat on the counter, and watch her stir the sweet, thickening jam made from our trip to the U-Pick strawberry patch the previous day. I would think about that as I watched her rinse the fresh, still-warm-from-the-sun tomatoes, squash, and peppers from our garden, and throw together a delicious dinner without a cookbook. She would encourage me to get as much education as possible, to find a career. She would then load us all up in the VW camper bus and take us to the lake for the day, picnic and floaties in tow, or a neighborhood fair, or Pike's Place market. She taught me how to scrub a bathroom and dust the house before I could jump rope, and she organized chore charts to keep the house, and us, running smoothly. She took care of us when we were sick and always seemed to know the remedy, and when to take us to the Dr.'s office. "You could do so much. You are so smart!", she would declare, as she and I made visits to women in our church, sharing uplifting messages and plates of cookies. I watched her mow the lawn with a determined look on her face, heard the clinking of dishes being washed and put away as I fell asleep at night, helped her make beds in the morning. "You can be anything you want to be...don't settle for less." Sometimes there would be a longing in her voice, on a particularly hectic day; those days when things do not go so well, and we doubt ourselves. But I remember the serenity on her face as she watched us baboons run about, just watching in amazement and gratification. Or, her satisfaction of a clean house as she plopped down to read a magazine, or write a letter. Her independence in exploring her corner of the world and opening our eyes to it. Her pride in our accomplishments. Teaching, always teaching. I knew what I wanted to be. How thankful I am to be a house-wife, a stay-at-home-Mom, a handy-woman, a comforter, a coach, an explorer, a gardener, a chef, a nurturer, an organizer, a dancer, a singer, a disciplinarian, a scriptorian, a teacher... a student of life. I have a college education, and when the kids are gone, I will probably go back to school, see what else I can do. I have travelled. I have had a business. I have worked HARD and have met with discouragement, even despair. But nothing, NO OTHER EXPERIENCE, could make me feel more accomplished, more well-rounded, more needed, more in-tune with life and its meanings, more loved, than running my home, raising my kids, making my spot of Earth find its potential. What a challenge... and I love a challenge! Thanks, Mom, for teaching me to be anything I want. Thanks, Brandon, my love, for helping me to be.