Two-Month Anniversary: Gotcha Day

I finally uploaded this video and I'm amazed at the changes in Will since we first met him on July 20. In a lot of ways he was more like a 9-month old baby on that day and even that first week, instead of a 25-month old little boy. I can see his detachment and discomfort (not surprising considering he was just passed off to strangers), the way he's leaning away and even his legs are not engaged in being held. Now when we hold him we note his "tree frog" grip. Even his toes grip us tight, and his arms rest on our necks as he is happily packed here and there, asking us what everything is called. In the video he only makes eye-contact a few times. But I also see glimpses of the toddler just waiting for a chance to be heard, listened to, taught. I see a brave little boy who is choosing to observe and wait and see what exactly is happening before he allows fear to take over his emotions. It did, eventually, and what a road we've had facing those fears. But he didn't let it keep him from coming to us, and that was brave.



I simply handed him a toy car, and he was willing to come right to me. And when it was time to leave that chaotic room and see what was outside, he was willing to come with us again. He's an explorer. An observer. A question-asker. A risk-taker. Thank goodness.

I prefer watching this video without the sound. The sounds of that room and China still make me a little nuts. But I'm in total caregiver mode asking those questions. That's pretty much all the info we got. But Brandon, Will, and I had each other and we did what we could with experience and what we'd studied, and focused on what worked and what didn't. He's a different little boy now. Not totally, but it's like he'd been bucked off-track the first two years and now he's returned to becoming himself. He's finally turning over his "inner parent" to us, and trusting us to do that job for him, and to do it better. That alone has eliminated half the battles, and he's having a childhood. He plays, he laughs, he pushes boundaries and his body, and if he gets frustrated or hurt, he turns it over to us. Mama will help. Dada will make it better. Will will be okay. Will isn't alone anymore. Will has Mama, Dada, Meh-en, Eckob, Dog, and Beh. He looks at family pictures and knows Chessa, M't, A-Car, Bampa, Bamba, and Sheh. He hears Brodie barking at the front door and goes running to see who's there, and squeals in utter, really LOUD delight when it's Dada or Eckob or anyone from his little tribe. That's right, now we have the dog barking AND the baby screaming at the front door when somebody comes. WELCOME. We are so excited to have you WAIT WHERE ARE YOU GOING? WE'RE CUUUUUTE.

 He is a sweet little man. I recently read on an adoption blog, addressing the traumatic state of your adoption those first days, that "the child you get in China is not your child." It's true. They find themselves later. They just need to be given that chance.

I wanted to take some new video to post with the Gotcha Day video, so yesterday I took the camera outside. He got pretty quiet for the camera, but we had fun exploring, This is a pretty typical day out back with Willster. (Please ignore the space of dirt where the pool used to be. We're getting sod put down soon! I hope...)







What we're seeing:

GROWTH: Will has grown from being in the less-than-3% in weight and height, to 6% in weight and 12% in height. Everything is looking good in his development. We are humbled and grateful. He loves to move that little body. If his bathtime play is any indication, he should be a little swimmer next summer.

SLEEP: He's taking his bottle again. 6oz of warm whole milk (with a scoop of formula added until the container is empty) for nap and bedtime. He's doing great with sleep. He rarely wakes up at night, now. HOORAY.

REGULATION: Today was Will's first full day of church. All three hours. His behavior is very typically toddler, and that's great. He likes nursery and interacts pretty nicely with the kids. He offers them cars and gives them back things they've dropped. Today he pushed a wooden ring back and forth across the table with a little girl. I'm happy to see he gets along well with others his age. He had moments of potential meltdown, but there was always some distraction and he pushed through it okay. We kept bear handy just in case, and used it a few times, but overall, he seems to really like it in there. HOORAY. It definitely helps that my new church job is nursery assistant. Perfect!

Last week we took Will to Sacrament meeting and then a little preview of nursery.
He seemed to accept it as just part of what we do. Because we're a family.
Also, couldn't you just squish him?

COMMUNICATION: Will is pretending to talk on his toy phone. He says, "Haloo." Then nods his head like he's listening. Then he says some gibberish, then hands the phone off to someone else to say "Haloo." He started this after talking to my mom and then Chelsea on the phone. It's adorable. New words: tah...tah...tah (hot; this is whispered), tee (eat), Bampa/Bamba (Grampa and Gramma), Sheh (Shelli), gwink-oo (thank you), quock (clock), sit (kiss), nigh (good night), lebelblelblelbel (Llama Llama), MEEEEEYA...MEEEEEEYA (Come here! It's usually yelled from somewhere I am not. I noticed I say it a lot in the videos, ha).

Happy Anniversary, Will. It has all been totally worth it.

Night and Day

It's taken me awhile to get to this post for a few reasons.
1. Sleep. I told my daughter it's like I've been crawling in the desert dying of thirst and sleep is my water.
2. This is our third day home and I just barely unpacked my laptop. That shows how big a priority number 1 is.
3. Avoidance. The last few days have been rough. But we're doing okay. We're hanging in there. We have a lot to be thankful for. But it's been rough. Number 1 has a bit to do with that, too.

We left our guide in Guangzhou and boarded a bullet train to Hong Kong. We were on our own. Will didn't like the trip at all. Our guide gave us a few warnings: Change to Hong Kong money as soon as we can because the taxis there don't take Chinese money, use the taxis, not private drivers, and she told us what it should cost to get us to our hotel. We managed to find our way out of the depot to the street, and we were immediately met by a nicely dressed, older driver of a private car, offering us a ride. But we hadn't changed money yet and had no idea where to do that, it was dark, and we'd had our warnings. Brandon murmured something about changing money and the man offered to take our Chinese money, and to take us right to our hotel at the airport for a reasonable price. We didn't have the energy to turn him down, and nobody else was around anymore. He led us to an old limo and we piled in. Will fell asleep within a few minutes, and 45 minutes later the limo pulled up in front of our hotel. I cried a little and almost hugged the driver. I think that he was sent to us.

Will woke up in a new hotel room. I think he sensed more change.

This is attitude. See that beloved morning bottle? He refused it. He refused food. Ominous.

He loves watching cars. 

This is during boarding. Brandon is in line for us because Will refused to be held. Great beginning to a 13-hour flight, yes?

I couldn't help wondering what was going on his mind. Good-bye, China. 

I took these next pictures knowing that this would probably be the best part of the flight.

He finally fell asleep during take-off with these headphones on plugged into a Sesame Street show. It was pretty sweet. But he hadn't had his bottle or eaten much, It was a short nap.

When we checked in, Delta had no record of Will's seat purchase. But we had the invoice emails. They couldn't get the three of us together, but a nice guy who'd traveled with kids before switched with Brandon so he was at least across the aisle. 

This is the last of peace on the flight. I came out kicked, battered, broken, and completely thrown up on. I used Melatonin and Benadryl for him and he fought it all like a T-Rex. The woman in front of Will's seat was horrid about it, but we got a lot of compassion from other travelers. I got maybe one hour of sleep, Will got about three. We got off the plane and I thought, "Okay, we're done, we made it." And that's when he threw up a whole carton of blueberry yogurt all over me. Just before customs, and then a 45 minute wait in immigration, and then getting our luggage, and then getting our car, and THEN finding a 7-11 where I finally changed clothes. I was done. I cried, exhausted, from Seattle to Ellensburg. I think Will and I are still a little mad at each other. It was traumatic and even right now the thought of going anywhere or taking him anywhere makes me ill. I've never been happier to be home. Ever.
That's the truth.

But now we are home and what a difference it is making. I think Will loves our house. He roams all over the main floor and plays with trucks and cars and dances and we read books. He loves to go outside and walked on grass for the first time, and my parents brought him a swing. He's sleeping in his own crib in his own room, which is HUGE. We still rock him to sleep before putting him down, but that's okay. It's good bonding time. He took right away to Maren and Jacob. He and the dog are having issues. Mostly territory issues. They'll have to get over it. We still have a long way to go. His institutional behaviors have lessened, his meltdowns are fewer, but we'll be avoiding social situations for a while. His habits of manipulation are coming out now, though, and that's a struggle. We can see how he learned to use certain behaviors to get attention in the orphanage. These could take months-years to unlearn, but I also see he's smart, and quick, and picks up on what works and what doesn't fast. So we're learning how to react, how to re-program this amazing little boy who's been left to parent himself for two years. 

He wants to be loved. We have to show him he can be loved unconditionally. 

And, you know, we have to get more sleep.

Birthday Sweets, Chinese Style

Clockwise from left: Happiness something Cake, Pineapple Mountain Thingy, Coconut Milk Twist, Chocolate Crunch Roll. Center: Custard Tart.
My favorites were the Pineapple Mountain Thingy (not official name) and the tart. :) Yum!

US Consulate

This morning we finished all of the paperwork and official stuff and Will is ours. Tonight is our last night in Guangzhou. One more night in Hong Kong and we're home. I can't wait. We're all ready to begin "normal" life with Will, I'm ready to see my kids at home, and we're looking forward to proving to Will that his new home is not a 250 sq. ft. 7th-floor hotel room. We celebrated with Hawaiian pizza and a nap. Will ate 2 pieces.

On our way to the US Consulate.

Guangzhou is pretty much this non-stop. Business buildings topped with high-rise apartments.

The appointment took place during Will's naptime so we were on high-alert for meltdown. He did pretty well! 

17 million people need places to live.

Outside the consulate building. Brandon and I were both feeling the nerves. The last hurdle. Plus about 200 eyes were on us for this picture. Our guide cleared a space in the crowds to take this shot.

Kind of cool to spot this Victorian high-rise.

Met this couple from Nevada on our way out. Note the 'Y' cap.
We're done! Hooray!

Number 727

Seven-Two-Seven is our room number. It's also today's date. It's also my birthday. So for my day I'm posting some of my favorite shots with Will.

Happy Birthday to me.

Seeing Guangzhou: Shamian Island

Shamian Island used to be the headquarters for all of the European consulates, established in the 1800s, and I think it remained under that purpose until the 1980s. Now the consulates are scattered in the bigger cities (except Poland is still there). All of the adoptions used to take place there, with all of the families staying on the island at the White Pearl hotel, and the children were brought there. Also there is a rare Protestant chapel that holds service on the island. The settlement is very Colonial European in architecture and layout. One side is bordered by a moat and the other is the Pearl River. We ate lunch at a place called Lucy's and did a little shopping. Will had a hard time and I sweated my face off, but I liked going there for a change of pace. Quiet and lush.

The island is famous for it's bronze statues devoted to family life.

 These two are little buddies. They blink and click and mimic each other. Sweet sweet sweet.

We finished off with a cold cold drink from Starbuck's. 

I drank two more bottles of water when we got back to the hotel. Whew.

Can you find Brandon?